


愛子 Aiko

by youshouldfear



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Angst, Arekan, Black Order - Freeform, D.Gray-man - Freeform, Experiment, Family Drama, Feelings, Gay Sex, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rough Sex, Sexual Content, Yullen, aiko - Freeform, allenxkanda, kandaxallen, kids without mpreg, love child, past trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-27
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-07-27 03:05:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7600975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youshouldfear/pseuds/youshouldfear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kanda and Allen discover they have some growing up to do when a four year old named Aiko claims to be their son. NOT MPREG.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. の真理出てくる The Truth Comes Out

“What?” Kanda muttered with his eyes closed. His legs were folded and he was intent on meditating. Though he and Allen had clearly gotten past denial in their relationship, Kanda could still be harsh.

“Uh, well…you’re not going to believe me unless you see it with your own eyes,” Allen said. Kanda sighed and opened his eyes to see Allen standing in plain clothes in front of him. Kanda’s eyes followed Allen’s out stretched hand and saw a tiny hand wrapping around one finger.

“Why did you bring a kid in my room?” Kanda asked, still sitting with a scowl on his face. Allen laughed nervously and reached to the back of his head with his free hand. The child came out from behind Allen’s legs. The little boy had shaggy black hair, grey eyes, and a face much like Kanda’s.

“Oh Yuu, you aren’t going to believe me!” Allen said fearfully. Kanda stood up inside his dark room and glared down to the innocent child.

“Spit it out Moyashi! You already interrupted me,” Kanda said, still using Allen’s nickname.

“This is Aiko,” Allen said looking nervously down to the four year old boy.

“Love-child?” Kanda asked, thinking the name was a little girly for a boy.

“Ours,” Kanda said closing his eyes tightly. Only two things ever caused fear to Allen; Kanda’s wrath and his Master’s debt.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Kanda asked looking at the child with inspecting eyes.

“I don’t really know how to explain it. Komui isn’t really even sure,” Allen said rubbing his thumb tenderly across the child’s small hand.

“Komui? Is this some weird experiment of his?” Kanda asked, looking away from the child to Allen.

“He’s more like our  _surprise_  experiment,” Allen corrected with a scared smile.

“He might be  _your_  something, but he’s not  _my_  anything,” Kanda said coldly.

“Oh no. Komui was very clear. He’s  _ours_ ,” Allen said. The child took his thumb out of his mouth and started talking.

“Komui said he adopted me,” Aiko said looking up to Allen.

“Uh, yeah, he kind of did Aiko,” Allen said kneeling down to be on the same level as the boy.

“But he says Allen and Kanda are my real parents,” Aiko said with confusion. Kanda’s eyes glued to Aiko.

“What the hell…?” Kanda asked rhetorically. “I’m going to talk to Komui; I am not going to baby sit some weird brat experiment.

“Yuu, just listen to me,” Allen urged. He stood up, Aiko still clutched Allen’s pointer finger. Kanda already brushed past Allen and was ready to leave for Chief Komui’s office.

“We made him, and Komui is only going to tell you the same thing,” Allen said picking up Aiko. “Just look at him, he’s us.” Kanda slowly turned around and examined the thumb sucking toddler.

“That’s not possible,” Kanda concluded ignorantly.

“I didn’t believe him either,” Allen said trying to convince Kanda that it was as ridiculous as it sounded. “Somehow our combined innocence manifested itself into Aiko.”

“So he’s not a human; he’s an anti-akuma weapon made of our innocence,” Kanda could deal with the making of a weapon, even if he didn’t understand it.

“Partly,” Allen said trying to keep Kanda interested.

“Partly human?” Kanda asked.

“He breathes, eats, sleeps, and bleeds. He acts like a normal kid,” Allen said hugging Aiko closely.

“What form does his innocence take?” Kanda asked ignoring the human aspect of Aiko.

“I don’t know! I was more concerned with the fact that we have a b-” Allen began going off.

“Don’t. Do not say that. We are both incapable of…conceiving,” Kanda’s lips curled in disgust with the very idea.

“It’s the manifest of our innocence and DNA; somehow we created him,” Allen said putting his hand gently on Aiko’s soft black hair.

“Komui checked our DNA?” Kanda asked.

“Four years ago when Komui found him,” Allen said.

“I’m seeing it for myself,” Kanda said turning and leaving. Kanda left his room and marched to Komui’s office.

‘Allen has lost his mind finally. I don’t know how I’ve neglected his sensitive little feelings this time, but he’s being outrageously desperate,’ Kanda thought a little afraid about Allen’s state of mind. ‘Did he kidnap that kid? Where did he even get the idea that innocence could do this? How the fuck did I mess him up this much?’

“Chief Komui?” Kanda asked knocking on his door.

“Come in Kanda-kun,” Komui said cheerfully. Kanda opened the door and came into a sea of papers.

“You’re here about Aiko?” Komui said pleasantly expecting Kanda’s questions.

“Yes. Bean sprout has lost his mind,” Kanda said flatly.

“Allen-kun’s mind is quite sound,” Komui said inviting Kanda to sit down on the purple couch in front of his desk.

“How?” Kanda asked knowing the Aiko situation and Allen’s sane mind were not two of the same thing.

“Unfortunately it’s a little complex, but listen to Allen, he knows what he’s talking about.”

“So you have those DNA results then?”

“…somewhere,” Komui said gesturing to the cluttered office.

“I don’t believe it. At all,” Kanda said. He wouldn’t accept anything so insane without proof. Especially this sensitive subject.

“Kanda-kun, Aiko is yours and Allen-kun’s little form of combined innocence. The exact circumstances under which he was made are unclear, but maybe you can come up with something. Aiko is approximately four years old and has been growing at the same rate as a human child for that long. He has your face, Allen’s eyes, and your hair color. With those DNA tests, it’s irrefutable,” Komui said trying to dislodge any doubts in Kanda’s mind.

“He doesn’t look anything like me,” Kanda said uncomfortably.

“I know this is a touchy subject for you, after all, four years ago, Allen was fifteen and you were eighteen. There are some moral wrongs with this picture but it’s too late now. No one else knows about Aiko except the three of us. With Allen holding on to him now, that might not last long,” Komui said trying to show compassion for Kanda.

“You’re serious…” Kanda said feeling his heart plummet into his stomach where it writhed.

“Aiko began describing you and Allen when he could form sentences. He said he was having dreams with both of you in them, of course he didn’t know what he was saying. He was only telling me because he always told me his dreams. I already knew that he shared both yours and Allen’s DNA, so keeping him in the dark about everything was really a magnificent feat for me if I do say so-“

“Alright, I get it,” Kanda said sharply. There was always something or another that he had to battle internally. At first it was about Allen and how Kanda couldn’t admit to liking him, then it was whether or not to keep them secret. Kanda had figured both these things out, but now he was faced with a new dilemma. Aiko. Kanda didn’t know how to come to terms with a…child. He wanted to be alone.

Kanda left the office and came back to his room. Allen and Aiko hadn’t left, but instead were sitting on his bed.

“Leave,” Kanda said looking at his window.

“Kanda,” Allen said with a mixture of eagerness and nervousness.

“I need you to leave,” Kanda said ignoring the two figures in his peripheral. Allen picked up Aiko and walked out of the room, stopping to look at Kanda.

“Don’t ignore me,” he said softly. Kanda closed his eyes as the door shut. He went to the middle of the room and pulled a mat out from under his bed. He folded his legs onto the mat, letting his hands face into his lap and concentrated on clearing his mind. Only meditation would help at this point.

The acute attention to his blank mind drew on nothing. He felt calm with himself only for a few brief moments. In the end he concluded only what his conscious mind came up with; remember Allen and ignore the manifested child. Allen seemed to already be caring for Aiko, so Kanda let his obligation go.

Opening his eyes, Kanda took a deep breath and stood up. He put the mat away and went into the hallway. Before getting six feet from his door, Allen called out. Kanda didn’t stop. Allen jogged to catch up and touched Kanda’s shirt sleeve. Kanda yanked his arm away; his private revalation to not ignore Allen did not include public affection.

“Kanda, don’t ignore me,” Allen reminded him.

“I’m not,” Kanda said quietly.

“Aiko’s in my room for now,” Allen said not letting Aiko go by the wayside. Kanda took Allen’s hand suddenly and pulled him around the corner. He slammed Allen into the wall and pinned his arms up. His tall body leaned down and he kissed Allen with fervor.

Allen attempted to escape in confusion but Kanda’s hands moved from a hard grip on Allen’s wrists to entangle his hands. His strong hands grasped Allen’s long fingers. Kanda’s head twisted and he opened his jaw, manipulating Allen’s lips to part. Kanda bit at Allen’s bottom lip; Allen gasped at the sharp pain but Kanda silenced him with his sneaky tongue.

Reciprocating, Allen’s tongue pushed into Kanda’s mouth. He became submissive. Kanda continued with passion, his hand let go of Allen’s and he shoved it across his bare hip bone. Allen’s arm fell and he slid it up under Kanda’s shirt over his stomach. Kanda’s knee moved between Allen’s legs and he pushed them closer together. Trying to be discrete in the shadows, the hand on Allen’s skin changed places. Allen pulled back and gasped, his head hit the wall gently.

“Mmhh,” Allen let out, trying to keep quiet. Kanda grabbed at Allen’s face and pulled him back into a kiss.

“Allen-kun?” Lavi’s voice called out. Before Kanda had a chance to react, Lavi was right in front of the hallway trying to make out the dark scene.

“Oh, uh…uh, uh-“ Lavi stumbled around. Kanda had pulled back from Allen and gave a death glare to Lavi. Allen was bright red and quickly tried to regain composure by picking himself off the wall.

“What?” Kanda asked sharply. His heart was steadily beating through his rib cage, but it would never show. What Kanda did with Allen was none of Lavi’s business; at least Kanda felt that way. He wasn’t sure if he could very well threaten Lavi into silence, but Allen could ask him for the favor.

“I was,” Lavi swallowed and then turned his attention to the safer Allen. “just wondering if you’d eaten yet, Allen-kun. Jerry has come up with a new recipe and wants you to try it.”

Kanda left the conversation that clearly didn’t concern him; he didn’t see Allen look after him.

Truthfully, Kanda had no idea where he was going. Somehow he ended up on the bottom floor by taking all the stairs. Lenalee noticed him at the main entrance.

“Kanda! What are you doing down here?” Lenalee asked coming over to him. “Are you leaving?” suddenly she was worried.

“No, I’m not leaving,” Kanda reassured her.

“Oh, okay. Good. What are you doing anyways?” she asked cheerfully.

“Just walking,” Kanda said honestly.

“Oh,” Lenalee said giving him a small smile. They looked at each other for a few more silent moments.

“I know you like your solitude, but sometimes it helps to have company,” Lenalee offered. Kanda nodded once and began taking an aimless path again. They didn’t talk to each other, but Kanda felt his head spinning in less circles. Remembering how he had known Lenalee basically his whole life, he had to remember how he was made. Aiko was becoming more realistic in an unnerving way.

“You know,” Kanda stated, reaching his room.

“Don’t worry,” Lenalee said taking Kanda’s hand and giving it a tight squeeze. “Everything will work out just fine. Don’t forget you have Allen too.”

“How could I?” Kanda muttered opening his door when Lenalee let go. Kanda closed his door and lay down on his bed. Staring at the ceiling, he wished he had something to take his mind off the troubling affair.

Glancing to his hovering lotus flower, he sighed. The entire day had been ruined by this news. His whole damn entire life had changed. He didn’t want any of it and cruel thoughts surfaced to his mind, thoughts on regretting involvement with Allen. The business of emotion was really a nasty human cumbersome that he had gotten cursed with.

‘Two cursed being making a child. It  _is_  only logical the child came out a curse,’ Kanda thought picturing Aiko at Allen’s side. Kanda thought about how the innocent four year old must feel. His thoughts hardened. He resolved, again, to keep Aiko out of his life. Komui and Allen could take care of the experiment.

‘He’s going to grow up,’ Kanda thought. ‘…Komui can leave him a mystery. I’ll force Allen not to tell and make sure Aiko doesn’t say anything either. They  _will_  listen to me.’

Instead of sulking and being stuck on the news, Kanda took Mugen and went to a training room. He was restless and fighting helped to calm him down.

Taking the katana, Kanda posed in a fighting stance. He sliced incessantly at the air, pouring all his concentration into the movement of his sword. Pulling back, dashing forward, up, down, left, right. His eyes were closed and he wasn’t thinking anymore. The beat in his heart thumped loudly, he was pushing himself hard, even without an opponent. Someone entered the room; Kanda’s eyes flashed open and his sword slashed through the air.

“Ah,” Allen said unexpectedly feeling his left cheek. Blood colored his fingers lightly. Kanda drew back his sword.

“You should be more careful,” Kanda instructed.

“You should know when someone is in the room,” Allen said wiping his cheek.

“Che,” Kanda muttered.

“That had to be the most awkward lunch I’ve ever had with Lavi,” Allen said paying no mind to his cut. Kanda rested coolly on a pillar to listen to Allen.

“Why did you do that? You’ve never done that before.” Allen said coming closer to Kanda. For a few minutes, Kanda really had forgotten Aiko. Allen indirectly reminded him. Kanda rolled his head to look down at a diagonal and closed his eyes.

“Are we really back to square one Kanda? You’re twenty-two, you could at least act like it,” Allen said tempted to roll his eyes.

“What did Lavi say?” Kanda asked pulling his head up to look at Allen.

“Nothing. But he was giving me weird looks the whole time. I couldn’t even enjoy the food.” Allen said putting a hand over his stomach.

“You didn’t elaborate either, did you?” Kanda asked. He looked at Allen’s had over his stomach and a growl rumbled through his own stomach.

“No, Kanda, I didn’t,” Allen said taking his hand away. Kanda pushed himself off the pillar and walked past Allen.

“Where are you going?” Allen asked turning around.

“To eat,” Kanda replied leaving the room. Allen chased after him and followed silently.

“Didn’t you already have lunch?” Kanda asked before entering the cafeteria.

“Well, yeah,” Allen said confused. “I can’t sit with you?”

“No. Since when have I ever let you?” Kanda asked looking at Allen wondering how he could’ve forgotten.

“You’re so confusing!” Allen said staring angrily into Kanda’s eyes.

“Maybe you’re just stupid,” Kanda suggested.

“Kanda, we can’t revert back to this,” Allen said remembering their earlier missions and how “well” they got along.

“Go take care of that little brat experiment,” Kanda said coldly. A few people walking in the hall watched Kanda and Allen arguing.

“That’s what this is about,” Allen said understanding.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Kanda asked sharply.

“Kanda, I know that Aiko-“

“We’re done,” Kanda said going to get his soba noodles. Allen didn’t follow. Making a big scene in the cafeteria would only make Kanda never speak to him again.


	2. できないエスケープ Can't Escape

“I heard Chief Komui has this really weird experiment that has to do with Kanda and Allen,” a finder named Eric said quietly to another finder as they passed Kanda. Kanda was headed in the opposite direction, to said Chief Komui. It had been far too long (an entire week) since Kanda had gone out on a mission. He wanted to know why, even though he had never complained before.

Kanda knocked on Komui’s office door and was let in.

“Kanda-kun?” Komui asked.

“Why haven’t I been place on any new missions?” Kanda asked sternly.

“Oh? You’ve only been back a week,” Komui pointed out.

“Put me on a mission,” Kanda said short of demanding.

“You aren’t needed immediately out there. Besides, you have adorable little Aiko to take care of!” Komui said affectionately.

“That’s not my responsibility,” Kanda said flatly. He was already irritated with Allen constantly reminding him.

“Kanda-kun! Really? You can’t talk like that. I’ve been raising him for you for four years-“

“I didn’t know about him and I’m going to keep it that way,” Kanda said defiantly.

“You can’t just ignore your child,” Komui said matter-of-factly.

“For the last time, he isn’t mine! All I came in here for was a mission. Seeing that you won’t give me one on your bias, I’ll leave,” Kanda said backing up from the cluttered desk.

“That’s so sad. How’s Allen taking it?” Komui asked.

“Taking what?”

“Your denial and rejection,” Komui said coolly pushing his glasses up his face.

“Che. He has nothing to do with me,” Kanda said trying to leave.

“Kanda, you can’t ignore him, or Aiko. I’ll try and hide it for you, but this is going to blow up and you know it,” Komui said. Kanda left the office and went back to his room. Not five minutes later, someone knocked on his door.

“Go away,” Kanda replied to the door. It opened anyway.

“He wanted to see you,” Allen said. Aiko pushed past Allen’s legs and ran over to Kanda. Kanda extended a hand to stop the little kid from hugging him.

“Why’d you bring him out?” Kanda asked glaring at Allen.

“I told you,” Allen said going to Aiko.

“Daddy!” Aiko shouted addressing Kanda. Kanda tensed.

“Don’t call me that,” Kanda said still holding back the child.

“But mommy said I could,” Aiko said. He had stopped struggling to get forward. Kanda looked to Allen.

“Mommy?” Kanda asked with furrowed eyebrows. Allen shrugged and smiled.

“He wasn’t sure what to call us,” Allen explained. “And since I’m the one taking on all of the responsibility, I kind of am like the mom in this situation.” Kanda sighed.

“He’s not my responsibility for the last time,” Kanda said making sure to keep his eyes averted from Aiko.

“You’re going to choke on this if you don’t swallow your pride,” Allen said taking Aiko into his arms.

“Mommy, I bored,” Aiko complained. Allen smiled down at Aiko.

“What do you want to do?” Allen asked in the tone of voice that reminded Kanda of four years ago.

“Play ex-or-cist.” Aiko smiled. He hopped off Allen’s lap and started swinging his arm around and making explosion noises. Allen laughed, but a confused expression came over his face. Kanda just watched.

“Why are you using your arm Aiko?” Allen asked innocently.

“You do!” Aiko explained slashing at the air.

“You invoked your innocence in front of him?” Kanda asked.

“No. But I thought you weren’t interested,” Allen said turning his attention back to Aiko.

“I’m not,” Kanda muttered.

“How do you know that?” Allen asked Aiko.

“Dream!” Aiko answered with concentration plastered to his face.

“Die akuma! Die!” He shouted running around Kanda’s small room.

“Stop it,” Kanda said abruptly. Aiko dropped his arm and sound effects.

“Daddy?” Aiko asked running to Kanda’s knees.

“You don’t know what you’re doing,” Kanda said with irritation.

“He’s right Aiko, being an exorcist is not a game,” Allen said smiling softly.

“Both you are,” Aiko protested.

“But we aren’t playing,” Allen tried to explain.

“Akuma are bad,” Aiko went on defending himself.

“You’re just not old enough yet, you’ll get your chance,” Allen said patting him on the shoulder.

“What do I play?” Aiko asked looking from Allen to Kanda.

“Don’t you have toys?” Kanda asked hoping to get the two of them out of his room.

“I want to play with you,” Aiko said smiling.

“I don’t play,” Kanda said scooting up on his bed. His feet planted on the bed near Allen. Kanda folded his arms and looked at his wall.

“Daddy’s a cranky pants,” Allen said pouting. Kanda shot a threatening glare at him.

“Daaaddyyy,” Aiko whined. He crawled off Allen and over to Kanda. He put his small hands on Kanda’s knees and peered over his legs. “Play with me!”

“No,” Kanda said shifting uncomfortably under the small hands.

“Don’t be mean,” Aiko said giving his own glare to Kanda.

“Don’t be annoying,” Kanda said.

“Kanda, he’s only four. Stop being a jerk,” Allen said ruffling Aiko’s hair to comfort him. Aiko turned around and looked at Allen.

“What did you do with Komui?” Kanda asked.

“Tests,” Aiko said wrinkling his nose. Kanda felt a little connection with Aiko and he didn’t like it.

“I’m no more fun than him,” Kanda said trying to repel Aiko.

“Don’t listen to him, Kanda is a lot of fun,” Allen said smiling.

“Play with me Daddy,” Aiko said pounding his little fists atop Kanda’s knees. Kanda kept his glare at Allen.

“He wants you, go to him,” Kanda said peeling Aiko’s hands off.

“Why don’t you like me?” Aiko asked struggling to cling to Kanda. Kanda had never felt mean in his life; everything he said was the truth. His heart twitched a little thinking of telling Aiko why he didn’t like him. The truth was Kanda, in his small black heart, would protect Aiko with his life. Kanda didn’t know this though; he firmly believed Aiko meant nothing to him.

“Che,” Kanda didn’t answer. He let go of Aiko’s hands. Allen crawled across the bed and between the wall and Kanda. He placed his left hand over Kanda’s chest and gave him a kiss on the cheek, he tried to soften him.

“What are you doing? That’s what got us _him_ in the first place,” Kanda said turning his face away. Aiko glared at Kanda with tears in his eyes.

“You hate me,” Aiko sniffed.

“Don’t be a crybaby,” Kanda said roughly.

“You hate me!” Aiko wailed. He jumped off the bed and ran out of the room. For a moment Kanda was smug, then Allen pulled back and hit him.

“He’s four years old and you’re messing him up already,” Allen said remembering his childhood.

“Dammit,” Kanda said disregarding Allen. He jumped up off the bed and ran out the door; he was an older image of Aiko.

“Where are you going?” Allen shouted after Kanda.

“No one is going to know about him! Go the other way,” Kanda yelled back. Allen realized what Kanda was worried about, not Aiko’s feelings, but his presence. Allen wanted to sock Kanda.

“Aiko you little brat experiment, where did you go?” Kanda asked himself quietly. He stopped running through the hall opening and closing doors as he went. He slowed down in his panic and let a semi-clear head try to prevail.

“If I were crying…” Kanda thought to himself. He couldn’t fathom such a thing. Putting himself in Aiko’s shoes was a big step for him.

‘If bean sprout was crying, he would go to his room,’ Kanda cleverly concluded. ‘Then he’s there already and I have nothing to worry about.’

Turning back around with a dirty look on his face, he was relieved Aiko was away. For some reason, Kanda felt the best way to deal with problems was to deny them by hurting them and pushing them away.

“Kanda!” someone shouted. Kanda turned around and saw Section Chief Reever holding the hand of a sniffling dark blue haired four year-old.

“He keeps calling you…daddy…” he said unsure of the reaction he would receive from Kanda. Kanda felt his heart drop to his stomach, but kept a stone face.

“I don’t know why there’s a kid in headquarters. Go report it to Chief Komui,” Kanda said playing disinterested.

“But he knows who you are,” Reever said looking down to Aiko placing a vague idea together.

“I don’t know him,” Kanda said indifferently.

“Daddy! Stop hating me!” Aiko shouted tugging his hand out of Reever’s. Reever watched the scene unfold. Kanda looked down at Aiko like he was a nasty little bug.

“Did you find him Kanda?” Allen asked coming up from behind. “Oh, you did. Good- Section Chief Reever! Ah, ha ha, how are you? Are there any new development in the science department?” Allen came between Aiko and Reever. It was Kanda’s cue to take Aiko and leave.

“Let’s go,” Kanda said to Aiko.

“No! You hate me!” Aiko said angrily.

“That doesn’t matter, we’re going,” Kanda said rushed.

“I’m not going,” Aiko said folding his arms stubbornly.

“Stop arguing,” Kanda said grabbing Aiko’s wrist. He found it was drowning in his large hand. Pulling a now crying Aiko, Kanda tugged too hard and Aiko tripped. He started wailing and Kanda pulled him back up.

“Shut up,” Kanda said harshly, he couldn’t handle the pitiful crying. Allen and Reever stopped talking and looked at Kanda and Aiko. Aiko tripped again and in his heavy breathing and shaken limbs, Kanda found it easy to drag him along.

“What are you doing?!” Allen asked in horror. He came running over and swooped down to scoop up Aiko safely. He ran his hand over Aiko’s hair and pressed him into his chest, the little boy’s head resting on Allen’s shoulder.

“You take care of him,” Kanda snarled. Aiko stopped heaving and calmed to a whimper while Allen kissed his hair and kept Kanda locked in place with a death glare.

“If he wasn’t here, I would cut off your hair and make you choke on it,” Allen said kissing Aiko’s cheek. Kanda was shocked to hear something that angry coming out of Allen.

By now, besides Reever and the dysfunctional family of three, Lenalee, Lavi, Crowley, Komui, and Miranda were all peering out of their doors. Kanda soon became painfully aware of that fact. Komui came over and from behind Kanda; he took him by the shoulders and led him back to his office.

“I know this is not Parenting 101 Kanda, but you can’t treat children like disobeying pets,” Komui said carefully. “You’re not little anymore, he is your child, and you’re old enough to make your own decisions, but I can’t let you abuse a four year old.”

“Then don’t let me near him,” Kanda suggested.

“You can’t place everything on Allen,” Komui said shaking his head. “Two parents are better than one.”

“You can play ‘Daddy’ then because I did not sign up for this,” Kanda said stubbornly.

“I did, for four years Kanda. Aiko is something special that you should love. His Innocence is remarkable and you helped make that,” Komui said placing a hand on Kanda’s shoulder.

“ _Something_ special?” Kanda repeated with curiosity.

“Yes,” Komui nodded. It became quiet.

“Don’t be immature Kanda, he is human,” Komui said dismissing Kanda’s thoughts on Aiko only being a ‘thing’. Kanda grunted.

“Can you step up and let Aiko be the child and you the adult? I know both Allen and you are young in this situation, but the only struggle you really have to go through is raising Aiko. Not a worry financially which is a big burden for most young couples,” Komui went on.

“We are not a couple,” Kanda argued.

“Call it what you will, an affair, a relationship, friends with benefits, but both of you are responsible,” Komui tried to instill. Kanda’s eyes glazed over with fire. He hated anyone in his personal life.

“Everyone is going to know about Aiko now that stunt outside has branded you,” Komui said, “What are you going to do?”

“That’s my problem,” Kanda said turning around to leave.

“Just remember Aiko doesn’t think the same,” Komui reminded him. Kanda left to find the hallways deserted. He walked back to his room with silence ringing in his ears.

‘He’s so small…’ Kanda thought about the twisting wrist he held earlier. Anger and remorse mixed inside his body and mind. Aiko was not Allen, he did not ask to be made, he didn’t understand the world yet and his role models were two exorcists with personal problems at young ages themselves.

Inside his room, Kanda punched at the bricks and cursed.

“Dammit,” he said casting his hand against the brick, still in a fist and his head hung. He took a deep breath and decided to meditate to clear himself up.

Even after hours of meditation and a personal resolve to not ignore Aiko, Allen still hadn’t come to visit Kanda. Kanda told himself that it was better if he and Allen stayed apart. The last thing he wanted besides this kid was for anyone to know what he did behind closed doors.

Kanda went to the cafeteria for dinner. Suddenly more than a dozen eyes pierced him. He let Jerry serve him and though Kanda was never cheerful, it was simply eerie for Jerry to not be over exuberant. Kanda guessed the entire headquarters knew now about Aiko. What they knew was still a mystery though. Kanda tried to tell himself it didn’t matter what they thought. He had only gotten away with that farce because he and Allen showed hate for each other in public and love and lust in private. Kanda assumed there might be speculators but no one ever approached him about it.

Sitting down with his soba, he heard the room whispering around him. Phrases like, “little kid”, “abusive”, “Kanda and Allen”, and “how long” were circling around Kanda’s head and tangling them in his food, making it unpleasant to even look at. With closed eyes, he raised his voice in a clear manner.

“Shut up,” I’m trying to enjoy my meal and all I hear are finders with big mouths and no brains who are incessantly gossiping about things they don’t know about,” Kanda said silencing the room while he spoke.

“We’re not the one who abandon his kid and pawned it off,” a finder said who was truly appalled with the situation. Kanda tried to keep his temper in check and didn’t turn around.

“Does any of that involve you?” Kanda asked knowing soon his romance with Allen would be public knowledge.

“No, but it doesn’t mean any of us can’t be offended,” the finder said. He was standing up behind Kanda. He was scrawny and had a strong belief in family, something he had left behind.

“Keep your damned opinions to yourself, because I don’t care,” Kanda said losing his appetite altogether.

“I think Allen was right when he said you were thick,” the finder muttered sitting down.

“And you take Moyashi’s word as gospel, don’t you?” Kanda kept the argument going.

“His name is Allen, and I just think he’s right about you,” the finder shouted over his shoulder. Kanda stood up and stood over the finder.

“What makes Allen the authority on me?” Kanda asked glaring.

“Well obviously the two of you are always going on missions together,” the finder began.

“And what is _that_ suppose to mean? I get assigned missions baka,” Kanda tried explaining the situation with a hasty tone. He had never really defended himself before. Swords were better than words. He had also always left the other person frustrated with their thoughts on him, he felt uneasy about people figuring him out.

“You wouldn’t be getting so defensive if you didn’t have something to hide,” the finder said coolly.

“Mind your own business you useless finder,” Kanda said leaving his plate.

Inside his room again, he slammed the door. He wanted to see Allen to hurt him; this was entirely his fault in Kanda’s mind. Seething, Kanda left his room and stomped over to Allen’s. He yanked open the door and saw Allen reading to Aiko. That didn’t cross Kanda’s rage filled mind. He hit the book out of Allen’s hand and picked him up by the collar. He then proceeded to ram the nineteen year old into the brick wall of his bedroom. Aiko screamed. Kanda’s fists tightened around Allen’s clothes, his breathing was heavy.

“You talked me into this damn affair. He is _your_ responsibility and your fault! Don’t pin any of this bullshit on me, don’t tell me to take care of him or be nice-SHUT UP!” Kanda shouted at Allen and then to crying Aiko. The screaming and crying didn’t go unnoticed. Lavi and Crowley were in the room almost instantly after Kanda erupted.

Lavi restrained Kanda while Crowley comforted Aiko as Allen picked himself up.

“Don’t pretend you didn’t want it too Yuu!” Allen shouted back miserably. He went over to Aiko and held the crying boy again.

“Don’t use my first name!” Kanda snarled trying to escape Lavi’s hold. Lavi dragged him out to the hallway and wrestled with him all until reaching Kanda’s room.

“What the hell were you doing?” Lavi asked a fuming Kanda.

 


	3. 介入 Intervention

Kanda was still furious with Allen, cooling off and calming down wasn’t a possibility.

“Do you even know what you just did?” Lavi asked Kanda closing the door.

“Not half as much as I wanted to do,” Kanda growled.

“Beating up Allen isn’t solving problems. What’s going on with you guys?” Lavi asked brushing his bangs out of his face.

“Nothing,” Kanda spat.

“You’ve blown up twice in one day, there has to be a reason,” Lavi said concerned.

“I’ll tell you what I told that noisy finder, it is none of your business,” Kanda said seething.

“I’m calling Komui in, you can’t do this,” Lavi said backing up slowly.

“You can leave this between me and who it concerns,” Kanda said threateningly. Within moments, Komui, Lenalee, Crowley, Allen, and Aiko were inside Kanda’s room.

“Calm down Kanda, we’re trying to help you,” Komui said approaching Kanda.

“I don’t need help. Everything is under control,” Kanda said trying to collect himself.

“If you were under control Kanda, you wouldn’t have punched Allen!” Lavi shouted; his arm now around Allen who held tightly to Aiko’s hand. Kanda’s temperature rose to see Lavi touching Allen, even if it was an innocent gesture. His hand twitched involuntarily.

“Kanda-kun, sit down,” Komui said smiling trying to keep peace. Kanda obliged begrudgingly.

“Everyone is in here not to attack you, but to show you that no one judges you and that you have support,” Komui said soothingly.

“I’m not a drug addict,” Kanda muttered.

“No, you’re not. But you have a serious issue that’s escalated beyond reasonable within twenty-four hours,” Komui explained.

“I’m not being unreasonable,” Kanda said with a sharp glare to Allen who’d moved across the room with Aiko.

“Lenalee, could you take him?” Kanda asked Lenalee. He nodded in understanding and took the child out of the hostile environment.

“Lavi, do you want to go first?” Komui asked. Lavi was still angry.

“Yuu, I know you and Allen mean something to each other and that made Aiko. That doesn’t make you less of a person or great exorcist in my eyes. I’m only concerned here because Allen hasn’t done anything to deserve a beating like that, and right in front of Aiko no less.  What you were thinking is beyond me, why you think it’s alright to drag Aiko around too is also over my head. You need help Yuu,” Lavi said staying close to Allen for protection.

Kanda stared forward at Allen who looked back at him with hurt and fear.

“Crowley?”

“Okay. Well, I don’t know you much Kanda, but I’ve known you to be rational in all situations and today has gotten me worried about you. You need help,” Crowley said a little nervous himself.

“…Allen?”

“Yuu, everyone knows about us now,” Kanda’s face flushed under his curtain of dark blue hair. “so you have to stop denying us. You and I have been in love since I was fifteen and there isn’t any changing what we’ve done. Aiko is our son and both of us need to take responsibility. We’re old enough to handle this without resorting to violence.”

“Stop lying,” Kanda said denying Allen’s news and feelings.

“Yuu! Do you really think this is all in my head?” Allen asked scared that Kanda was really sick.

“I don’t love you, that brat experiment is nothing of mine, and I want nothing to do with this,” Kanda said coldly. Allen sniffed, his throat clenched and his eyes watered.

“Kanda-kun, you’re in denial. Look at Allen,” Komui said putting a hand on Kanda’s back. Kanda looked up to Allen to see the welling tears.

“Baka!” Kanda shouted. “You’re so pathetic. I didn’t really think you’d get emotionally involved like a girl.”

“That’s sad Yuu,” Allen said swallowing the hurt. “You have to call me names to feel like you’re higher than human feelings? I suppose that’s why you keep hitting me to? Do you feel better when you articulate your screwed up emotions with a fist-“

“Allen-kun, this isn’t new?” Komui asked, now worried. Lavi glowered at Kanda; Crowley became more attentive to Allen. Kanda refused to speak.

“I didn’t say anything before because I could handle it and pass it off as a battle wound. Yuu doesn’t know what to do with himself when it comes to me, so he hurts _me_ for it. I love him though and I know he didn’t and doesn’t mean it…” Allen looked desperately into Kanda’s closed eyelids. “Look at me you bastard!”

Before anyone had time to react, Kanda was on his feet staring Allen down.

“I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t talk about me like I’m not in the room,” Kanda’s face was fierce. “And I don’t hurt you.”

“Tacking that on at the end, it was really convincing,” Lavi said sarcastically. Kanda’s eyes shifted.

“No one asked you to stick your big nose into my personal business,” Kanda said.

“Your “personal business” becomes mine when my friends start getting hurt,” Lavi spat back.

“Listen-“ Kanda was cut off when Komui placed his hand on Kanda’s shoulder.

“Kanda-kun, you’re out of control. Lavi is trying to help, we’re all trying to help. If you’re abusing Allen-“

“I don’t hurt him,” Kanda said in defense.

“You did though, twenty minutes ago,” Komui reminded him gently. Kanda took a deep breath, stepped back, and released an angry sigh.

“Can’t you talk to Allen calmly?” Komui asked.

“I’m not five,” Kanda said shortly. Komui gestured for Lavi and Crowley to leave the room. Lavi left begrudgingly and closed the door. Without Kanda or Allen’s knowledge, Lavi stayed behind to the side of the door as a precaution.

Kanda walked to the closed black door and locked it.

“Why would you bring any of that up?” Kanda asked exasperated.

“I don’t know Yuu, I’m sorry,” Allen said looking down.

“We can work this out ourselves,” Kanda said sitting on his bed.

“You scared me,” Allen said sitting next to Kanda. Kanda looked at his knees hanging over the bed.

“I just want you to love me.”

“I do.”

“And Aiko.”

“…”

The silence saturated their minds. Kanda reflected on his out bursts and frustrations.

“I didn’t want him,” Kanda said straight forward.

“I know. He’s dependant on us though, you have to step up. Everything has changed now and if I’m mature enough to handle it, you can be too,” Allen said placing his hand on Kanda’s thigh.

“All I want is you,” Kanda said turning to Allen, pushing him down. Allen’s head almost fell off the end, Kanda pulled him down, completely under himself and placed his hands on either side of Allen.

“Kanda,” Allen gulped. Kanda placed his hand over Allen’s soft lips. Allen’s eyes wavered. Kanda wanted to go on but Allen kept talking under his hand. Kanda removed his hand, he felt the urge to draw back and hit Allen. His feelings were fueled by Allen being in control and Kanda being out of control. By hitting Allen, the vicious cycle perpetuated the self-fulfilling prophecy. Aiko brought this on. Suddenly, Kanda didn’t know how to handle the situation and Allen did. Suddenly everyone knew Kanda and Allen’s secret; he felt violated. It was a sign of weakness when he lost his cool, but it was hard for him to maintain it under the circumstances.

“You can’t just have sex to forget things. It’s not going to go away,” Allen said showing his maturity. Kanda pulled away from Allen and sat at the top of his bed.

“Get out,” Kanda said feeling the rejection he used to shower Allen with.

“No. We have to think like parents now,” Allen said sitting up. “You don’t get to push me around because I’m smaller anymore. You’ve got to work with me to help raise Aiko. Lenalee is not going to play mom while I play dad Kanda. Two parents are better than none.”

“Then why don’t you invite Lavi to help you instead of Lenalee?” Kanda asked coldly.

“What’s that supposed to mean? Lavi has nothing to do with this,” Allen said shocked.

“Lavi who keeps sticking up for you?” Kanda was looking for someone to blame.

“You’re being stupid. You know that Lavi and I are friends and don’t want anything else,” Allen said.

“You’re the one who’s slow,” Kanda muttered.

“Do you think Aiko’s ruined us?” Allen asked.

“He is,” Kanda said avoiding eye contact.

“I don’t want him to tear us apart. This should bring us together,” Allen said sadly.

“You’re pulling away because of him,” Kanda said.

“Kanda, are you listening to yourself? _You_ are pulling away. You want nothing to do with Aiko, even if he’s part of your Innocence,” Allen said getting off the bed. He pulled Kanda’s face to his.

“Do you want to abandon him and be a dead-beat dad?” Kanda’s face tightened, he clenched his teeth.

“No.”

“I know you’re struggling with your pride. I don’t need to remind you about honor,” Allen said softening his touch on Kanda’s jaw. He leaned in and kissed him gently.

Kanda’s head filled itself with the possibilities of accepting Aiko. There was no hiding his relationship with Allen, he could deny it all he wanted, but everyone took Allen’s word over his. He could refuse Allen in public, keep up his appearance, but his reputation was already littered with dark spots. Telling himself that he didn’t care what anyone thought was a lie. Fatherhood didn’t happen to be anywhere on the list of things Kanda wanted to accomplish, but now it was here.

Kanda agreed in his mind, knowing that fatherhood was respectable and that he could still be an exorcist that was honored and feared. He wasn’t about to turn into some much sort of fool though, his personality would ring true. His heart tugged at itself, the idea was worse than level four akuma. Those black eyes of his presented a hard understanding.

Older lips pressed against nineteen years and pulled a tattooed hand to his belt. Allen kissed back, his head tilted as Kanda sucked his breath. Kanda dragged Allen atop him, he felt odd underneath and not above. Allen’s ambidextrous left hand easily lifted the button out of the small hold that held Kanda in. Kanda took out his ponytail to rest his head on the bed comfortably. Allen followed Kanda’s head down, keeping in time with the kiss. Long cold fingers reached around Allen’s back and lifted his shirt. A tremor ran over his spine, feeling knuckles brushed his skin. Allen pulled away to let the shirt come off. He shook his white hair out and moved his left hand under Kanda’s shirt, and Kanda took his hands to Allen’s. He helped him pull off the shirt and he threw it on the floor. Without prolonging it any longer, Kanda flipped Allen over in heat.

“Kanda,” Allen began surprised.

“Shh,” Kanda ordered as he pulled down his pants, kicking them on the end of the bed. Disregarding romance, Kanda reached to Allen’s front and unbuttoned his pants and pulled them off as well.

“It’s cold,” Allen commented. Kanda’s room was always freezing. Kanda’s room was always freezing. Kanda raced a hand up Allen’s leg and grabbed his hipbone. Allen sucked his stomach in, Kanda’s other hand had taken a hold of him and caught him off guard. Smooth finger tips dragged across Allen’s sensitive skin and he grew hard. The cool fingers wrapped around and rubbed gently to make Allen try to hold his breath in.

The hand on Allen’s right hipbone tugged him upward, forcing him to his knees.

“Ahh,” an anxious breath rattled out of Allen. Hands left Allen’s body and his forearms supported his upper body. Kanda licked his pointer finger and middle finger, a smirk spread across his face without Allen’s knowledge. Spreading him apart, Allen gasped and closed his eyes tightly. Kanda then positioned himself and placed his hand on Allen’s lower back; he thrust forward. Allen screamed and Kanda listened to it as he was removed.

Kanda held onto Allen’s strong shoulders and shortly after pulling out, Allen struggled to stay quiet. Kanda absorbed the power and love from Allen’s submission, a mixture in his heart drove him near to exhaustion.

Allen shouted Kanda’s name, he was lower to the bed now. Kanda pressured him. Kanda kept his pace until he was about to climax to which he lunged himself further into Allen. Both let out moans of a different pitch; Allen was catching his breath to his own release and cried loudly while gripping for life to the bed sheets. Kanda was a deep growl in his throat. He took himself out and laid down next to the wall, feeling Allen’s skin on one side and a cold wall to his back.

Collapsing, Allen turned his head to Kanda. Kanda watched as fingers traced over his abdomen muscles lovingly. He looked to Allen and pushed the white hair from his eyes. They looked at each other and Allen reluctantly got out of the bed to clean up. Putting his clothes on, Kanda had already shut his eyes.

Hearing the door click shut, Kanda was out of bed and dressed in plain clothes again. He took the pillow off his bed and folded up the sheets. ‘What little romance it took for Kanda to get Allen to roll over.’ He thought about that as he made his way to the laundry room. Dropping his sheets in a heap, he realized he had really starved Allen for attention and romance since they began their affair. The secret of it kept Kanda from expressing himself in public. However, the idea still didn’t appeal to him now that he was free to.

‘Am I being cruel?’ Kanda wondered while picking up clean sheets from a pile on the other side of the room.

‘I have a conscious, it’s not like I’m forcing him to do anything. Damn baka moyashi for making me second guess myself.’ Kanda thought with a little resentment.

Walking through the halls Kanda received more than one judging look. Living with the disciples and helpers of God made the situation the most amoral it could be. Kanda could finally feel those eyes on him, the pair above. He was defying God with his relationship with Allen, how did Allen take that knowing it placed him in a circle of hell?

‘Goddammit.’ Kanda cursed his contradictory life style. Reaching his room, Lavi gave the most hate filled glare that Kanda could imagine. He had given that look many times before.

“What?” Kanda asked before entering his room.

“You’re disgusting,” Lavi hissed and left. Kanda took the comment and integrated it with his previous thoughts, he felt repulsive. He locked his bedroom door and made his bed while his mind filled with contradicting feelings. Anger was getting the better of him and with that pressing on him; he stopped making his bed, pulled out his mat, and sat down. He closed his eyes and briefly forgot all his responsibilities and the rest of the day.


	4. 昼食時間 Lunch Time

“Kanda?” Allen asked knocking on the bedroom door. “Did you eat yet?” The door opened and Kanda finished pulling a black tank top over his head.

“What?” Kanda asked not noticing Allen’s short, black-haired attachment.

“Have you had lunch?” Allen asked.

“No,” Kanda answered wondering why that mattered.

“We should all go eat then,” Allen said cheerfully. Kanda was slightly confused by the “all” in the sentence until he looked down. Aiko hid behind Allen’s legs, holding tightly to his finger and looked fearfully up to Kanda. Kanda knew he caused the fear; disgust welled up inside him. Disgust for himself and his actions.

“I’m not hungry,” Kanda decided to avoid being with the two of them.

“You’re lying,” Allen said disappointed. “You’ve got to build your already broken relationship with him.”

Kanda backed up into his bedroom inviting them in. Allen came in confidently with a hesitant Aiko hugging close.

“Talk to him Aiko, its safe,” Allen said pushing Aiko forward a little.

“Hi,” he squeaked.

“Hi…” Kanda said awkwardly.

“Uhm…uh…mommy?” Aiko said turning to Allen with a confused expression. Kanda’s face paled, he was daddy then?

“It’s okay,” Allen smiled reassuringly.

“I’m sorry you hate me,” Aiko said bowing his head. Kanda looked at the top of Aiko’s head. That was his dark blue hair chopped short.

“He doesn’t hate you Aiko,” Allen said coming to stand next to a silent Kanda.

“He doesn’t like looking at me, or talking to me, or playing with me,” Aiko said pouting.

“He’s just shy,” Allen said holding Kanda’s hand.

“Oh,” Aiko said twisting his fingers.

“Che,” Kanda said refusing to grasp Allen’s hand.

“We should go out,” Allen suggested pulling Kanda’s hand up excitedly.

“Why?” Kanda asked seeing no need to leave the Order.

“Shopping for Aiko. He needs toys, books, clothes, and a bed,” Allen said taking Aiko’s hand.

“Komui didn’t get him a bed?” Kanda asked shocked.

“He was sleeping in a crib,” Allen said shrugging.

“Four year olds don’t sleep in cribs,” Kanda grew aggravated with Komui’s decisions. That determined a bed was necessary and Kanda lead the way.

Outside it was a beautiful spring day, warm with a slight breeze and a town that wasn’t infested by akuma. Allen held Aiko’s hand and Kanda strode ahead, detached. The exorcists didn’t draw attention to themselves, instead of uniforms, they wore plain white button up shirts and slacks. Kanda was so busy walking to find a bed, he ignored toys and sweets.

“Can I get it mommy? Please? Please?” Aiko asked bouncing up and down clinging to Allen’s hand. Kanda stopped to see a miniature self getting excited over ice cream.

 “Maybe later, you could have a lollipop now if you want,” Allen said imaging the ice cream falling onto the ground and Aiko crying.

“We need a bed,” Kanda said coming back.

“He wants a treat,” Allen said having a hard time saying ‘no’. Aiko looked up to Kanda hopefully. The ice cream vender just smiled at the group.

“Well he can’t have one,” Kanda said.

“Please daddy?” Aiko asked with a wide smile. Kanda kept a shudder from shaking his body; he suddenly became painfully aware the vendor knew his carnal nature.

“Let’s go,” Kanda said taking Aiko’s hand, Aiko was fearful. Allen held to the other hand and they quickly walked down the street.

“Oh, Kanda, a toy shop,” Allen said stopping the train. Kanda sighed; a bed was growing farther and farther away. They went inside, a little bell rang and Kanda let go of Aiko’s hand.  Allen and their son browsed the shelves while he stood in the corner, eyes closed and arms folded.

“Is that your cousin?” the shop keeper asked.

“Huh?” Kanda had zoned out.

“The white haired kid with your son, is he your cousin?” the elderly asked.

“No, he’s my- just a friend,” Kanda said not wanting to admit Allen was his lover.

“What are you two looking for?” the shop keeper asked.

“Aiko wants toys,” Kanda said watching Aiko run around happily.

“What does he like?”

“…I don’t know,” Kanda contemplated. He moved away from the wall and over to the boys. He listened to them, both were bright and cheerful. Kanda felt like a dark cloud.

Aiko reached up trying to take the train from the top shelf and being too short, Allen reached above him. Allen’s fingers touched the bottom of his shelf. Kanda saw the struggle and layered behind his son and his boyfriend. His strong arm surpassed the shorter pair and easily pulled down the wooden train. The muscular torso pressed lightly to Allen’s back, his arms wrapped out in front and he lowered the train into Aiko’s small hands.

“Thanks daddy,” Aiko said wiggling out from the shelf and Allen. He proceeded to place the train on the wooden floor and roll it across with vitality. Allen turned around to face Kanda who dropped his arms to his side. Allen leaned up and kissed Kanda whose face flushed in the presence of company.

Kanda’s eyes stared forward and Allen disappeared to the right. His gaze passed through the various toys on the shelves, he still wasn’t comfortable with public displays of affection. He felt that was private, regardless of who was kissing who.

“Can I have it?” Aiko asked Allen hopefully.

“I think so…” Allen said turning to Kanda; Kanda gave a nod.

“Let’s get it,” Allen had Aiko pick up the train and they all walked to the counter. Aiko placed the train on the counter and wiggled in anticipation.

“Hold still,” Kanda said placing his big hand on Aiko’s fragile shoulder. Aiko stopped, Kanda scared him into submission. Allen paid for the train and took Aiko’s hand. The three went back into the bright daylight and Kanda tried to pursue a bed. Allen became distracted on that task and saw a shop full of children’s clothes.

“In here Kanda,” Allen said walking Aiko into the store. Kanda sighed and followed. It was only two in the afternoon; they could still manage to get a bed after getting new clothes.

A friendly young lady greeted the group with a dreamy smile and directed them to the little boy’s section. Allen thanked her and she offered to stick around for any other needed assistance. Kanda noticed her eyes kept flickering over to him, he grew uncomfortable.

Aiko didn’t enjoy the clothes shop as much as he had the toy store. He was antsy and restless. Kanda was slowly going insane.

“Let’s go dad,” Aiko said appealing to Kanda’s distaste. Kanda sat leaning against a wooden wall, bored out of his mind.

“You need clothes,” Kanda said ignoring Aiko’s plea.

“He’s your son?” the girl asked. Kanda shifted uneasily. Allen was immersed in the tiny shoes he could buy.

“Yes,” Kanda said glaring at a rack of clothes.

“You can really tell, with the hair and everything,” she smiled.

“Che,” Kanda said avoiding eye contact with her or Aiko.

“Where is his mother?” Kanda and Allen both froze.

“He doesn’t have one,” Kanda said instead of trying to explain the situation he was ashamed for.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” She said feeling bad for her intrusion.

“Come here Aiko, do you like these?” Allen asked holding up little brown shoes. Aiko came over with no enthusiasm and left Kanda with the saleswoman. The girl, who went by Linda, sat down next to the brooding twenty two year old. She crossed her legs under her long plain skirt and smiled at Kanda.

“I’ve never seen you out here before, did you just recently move?” she asked trying to make conversation.

“I’ve lived here all my life,” Kanda said slightly irritated.

“Oh? I’m only a few blocks away from this shop, where do you live?”

“On a hill,” Kanda said turning his attention to Aiko who was trying to cram his feet into shoes that were entirely too small for him. Kanda stood up and came over; he moved Allen out of the way and grabbed a bigger pair of black shoes. Crouching down, he stopped Aiko and took the shoes from him.

“Try these,” Kanda said handing over the new pair. Allen stood up and watched Kanda help, even if he was unaware of it. Aiko took the shoes and pulled them onto his feet.

“They fit!” he shouted both hoping to leave and excited to have new shoes.

“They aren’t even tied,” Kanda said crouching down again. His long fingers quickly laced up the shoes.

“Walk around in them,” Allen instructed. Aiko sprinted around the store and back.

“They fit, they fit!” Aiko chanted.

“Now you just need clothes,” Allen said untying the shoes and taking them off the small feet.

“And a bed,” Kanda muttered. Aiko put back on the old shoes he had and while sitting on his bum, he kicked his feet out.

“Tie them daddy,” Aiko said smiling. Kanda obliged and got down again to tie the shoes.

“Here’s a nice white shirt like mine and daddy’s,” Allen said unfolding a tiny white button up shirt identical to both Kanda and Allen’s.

“It’s too small Moyashi. Do you want to make him look like a marshmallow squeezing out the sides?” Kanda said reaching around Allen to the bigger sizes. He pulled out a shirt and it unfolded to Aiko’s approximate size.

“I didn’t know you were such the clothes expert Kanda,” Allen said putting back the shirt he had picked out.

“Che,” Kanda said asking the sales woman for a dressing room. She pulled over a curtain and showed Kanda and Aiko inside and tied it closed. Allen searched for pants, one size bigger than what he initially grabbed.

Inside the dressing room Kanda sat on a stiff chair and Aiko stared at him.

“Try on the shirt,” Kanda said exasperated.

“Mommy dresses me,” Aiko said confused. Kanda remembered that Komui had said something about Aiko thinking differently because he was only four. Kanda realized then that this was just the first in a long series of years that Aiko would have to learn things for the first time. He had his whole life just waiting and didn’t know anything about the real world. It was up to Allen and him to teach Aiko. Kanda had become sensei to this child. He wasn’t Allen, and Kanda had to understand he couldn’t push him around. With this in mind, Kanda stood up and unbuttoned Aiko’s ratty vest and lifted the dirty shirt from him. Kanda then took the new shirt, slipped Aiko’s arms into the sleeves, and proceeded to button it all back up. It was too big. They walked out and looked in the mirror. Allen came trotting over with an arm full of trousers.

“He’s drowning,” Allen said through the stack of fabric.

“He’ll grow into it,” Kanda insisted. He towered over Aiko and it shocked him a little bit to see a baby version of himself with Allen’s grey eyes. Kanda swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat.

“It won’t last that long,” Allen protested.

“Then we’ll buy another one later,” Kanda said.

“It’s choking me,” Aiko said pulling at the collar.

“You’re fine,” Kanda said looking down at Aiko.

“He could get a different kind of shirt,” Allen suggested. Aiko unbuttoned his shirt and threw it on the floor. He wandered over to a rack of shirts.

“Hey, get back here and put your clothes away,” Kanda said taking Aiko’s wrist and dragging him back.

“Sorrrry!” Aiko whined while picking up the shirt. Allen pawned the pile of pants to Kanda and folded the shirt up and placed it back on the shelf. He then got Aiko into his old shirt.

“Go try those on,” Allen said pointing to Kanda. Aiko laughed.

“You’re funny daddy.”

“Just get in there,” Kanda said letting Aiko jog in front of him. Back in the dressing room Kanda placed the trousers on the chair.

“Take off your shoes,” Kanda said.

“I just put them on,” Aiko complained.

“You can’t put pants on over shoes, just take them off,” Kanda said hating to explain himself.

“I don’t wanna,” Aiko said stomping. Kanda almost told him to stop acting like a child but refrained.

“There are a lot of things in life that no one wants to do, but they have to,” Kanda said taking his own situation for example.

“I don’t wanna!” Aiko protested.

“Take off your shoes or else,” Kanda threatened.

“Or else?” Aiko questioned.

“Kanda, just dress him,” Allen said outside.

“What’s he going to learn?” Kanda asked the red curtain.

“That we’ll take care of him,” Allen said.

“That if he whines enough, he gets his way,” Kanda said folding his arms. Allen untied the curtain, came inside, and took over. He had Aiko out of his shoes and into more pairs of pants than anyone could count.

“We’ll get the two that fit,” Allen said holding up a black and brown pair.

“And shirts?” Kanda asked annoyed.

“Let me pick!” Aiko shouted.

“Stop being so loud,” Kanda said furrowing his eyebrows in frustration.

“Let me piiick,” Aiko said almost demonically.

“Alright, let’s look,” Allen said taking Aiko out of the dressing room. Kanda was not about to clean up. He stepped out and told Linda about the room in disarray.

“Oh, don’t worry. I’ll cover it,” she said cheerfully.

“How are things going with him?” she asked folding the various pairs of pants that didn’t fit.

“Who?” Kanda asked watching his boys.

“Your son, how is it with no mother?”

“I don’t think that’s any of your business.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any disrespect.”

Aiko came barreling back towards Kanda’s legs.

“Can you help him?” Allen asked picking up shirts that Aiko had dropped. Kanda ushered the little one into the dressing room.

“Can you do it by yourself this time?” Kanda asked before sitting down.

“No,” Aiko said without thinking.

“You didn’t even try,” Kanda said aggravated.

“You do it daddy,” Aiko said holding out his new collection of shirts. Kanda obliged again and took off Aiko’s shirt and replaced it with a new one. They stepped outside to the mirror because Aiko wanted to see what he looked like.

“You look like a pirate,” Kanda commented. Aiko just smiled and wiggled. Kanda’s eyes fell with a sigh; that had been the plan. Finally they purchased shoes, pants, and shirts for Aiko to wear. And after three hours of struggling, both Allen and Aiko were starving.

“It’s too early for dinner,” Kanda said looking at the town clock that said five twelve.

“Only a snack,” Allen said shifting the shopping bags in his hands.

“Pretzels?” Aiko asked seeing a vendor. Kanda agreed reluctantly. They came to the vendor and Kanda bought two pretzels and they found a bench to sit on. Aiko was on the end and Allen and Kanda sat next to each other. Their shopping bags sat on the ground between their legs. Before Allen devoured the thing whole, he offered some to Kanda.

“No,” Kanda said looking forward.

“You’re hungry. It’s been hours since lunch,” Allen prodded. He ripped off a piece and waved it in front of Kanda’s face.

“Mmm,” he said chewing on his own bite. Kanda lunged forward and bit Allen’s fingers. He took the piece into his mouth and chewed letting Allen examine his throbbing fingers.

“You bit me,” Allen finally said.

“It’s not the first time,” Kanda smirked after swallowing. Allen’s face turned a light pink.

“Kanda,” Allen said bumping Kanda with his shoulder smiling. They sat eating contently, Aiko even held still. Kanda had closed his eyes and focused on his breathing. He had lost himself in silence when Allen nudged him.

“We’re done,” Allen said taking Aiko’s hand.

“He’s getting a bed now,” Kanda determined.

“Where are we going to put it?” Allen asked walking along.

“Your bedroom,” Kanda answered not even considering another option.

“Shouldn’t he get his own bedroom?” Allen asked.

“I want a bedroom!” Aiko said excitedly.

“Just talk to Komui,” Kanda said looking through shop windows to find a furniture store.

“Can I have pictures?” Aiko asked.

“Of what?” Allen replied.

“Ships and pirates and swords and-“

“Yes, you can have pictures,” Allen said squeezing Aiko’s hand in reassurance. Kanda made a sudden turn and disappeared into a store. Allen and Aiko appeared next to him momentarily. A shopkeeper came over to Kanda who abruptly told him they needed a bed, disregarding any niceties. The shopkeeper nodded and left in which time Allen came to stand in front of Kanda.

“I’m tired,” Aiko complained.

“We’re getting you a bed,” Kanda explained. Aiko leaned against Allen who was forced to support him.

“You can’t go to sleep now Aiko,” Allen said propping the boy up. Aiko whined and pushed against Allen.

“Don’t do that,” Allen said pushing Aiko back up.

“I want to sleep,” he groaned.

“We’re getting you a bed,” Kanda repeated.

“Now!” Aiko shouted and dropped on the floor.

“You can’t sleep there,” Aiko said bending down to force Aiko up.

“That’s dirty,” Kanda said indifferently.

“Help me Kanda,” Allen said having trouble picking up the child glued to the floor. Kanda leaned down and heaved Aiko off the ground. He held him out in front of him like something filthy, Aiko struggled.

“Hold out for a half hour more,” Kanda said placing Aiko down. Aiko collapsed again and curled into a ball. The shopkeeper returned at the same time.

“We can have a custom bed ready in 3 months or a standard one in about two weeks,” the shopkeeper explained to Allen while Kanda was preoccupied with the obstinate four year old.

“You aren’t sleeping here,” Kanda said scrapping him up again. Aiko started to cry. “We’re going back to headquarters, just calm down,” Kanda said holding Aiko at arm’s length.

“What do you want to do Kanda?” Allen asked turning to the frustrated pair of blue haired boys.

 “About what? I’m busy,” Kanda said as Aiko continued crying.

“Did you hurt him?” Allen asked with worry.

“No. He just started crying because I won’t let him sleep on the floor,” Kanda said looking slightly confused.

“Just hold him,” Allen said turning apologetically to the shopkeeper. Kanda brought Aiko close and tightly wrapped him in his arms to stop the crying. Aiko wrestled around, he would not settle.

“Go to sleep,” Kanda ordered.

“We’ll get the standard one,” Allen said quickly. The party followed the man back to the counter and Allen filled out paper work while Kanda placed his hand on the back of Aiko’s head.

“Be quiet,” he whispered. Aiko sniffled. Kanda felt like he had the secret switch now, Aiko’s hair. Kanda used this new found knowledge to his advantage and gently pet his hair. Aiko gradually calmed down and was clinging loosely to Kanda by the time Allen finished filling out the order forms.

“He’s asleep?” Allen asked impressed.

“Don’t touch him,” Kanda whispered. They left the shop; Allen’s arms carried all the bags while Kanda carried thirty-five pounds of a sleeping child. Kanda kept his hand on Aiko’s hair, cradling his head and his left arm supported his child. Aiko’s head rested on Kanda’s shoulder and his thumb found its way to his mouth.

Outside the sun was still bright and all the shopping was done.

“I want to eat out,” Allen said as they turned the direction of headquarters.

“He’s asleep,” Kanda reminded Allen.

“I know, it’s easier,” Allen said leading the way to a local restaurant. “I want him to have a special dinner because we’re all out as a family.”

“Moyashi,” Kanda said shortly.

“It’s what we are,” Allen said opening the door ringing a little bell. Inside they were seated at a booth. Kanda held Aiko instead of setting him down.

“Thank you for taking him,” Allen said after they ordered water to drink.

“Che,” Kanda said not wanting to acknowledge his acceptance of Aiko. Allen understood with smiling eyes.

“Are you still going to pawn him off in my room until his bed comes?” Allen asked placing an elbow on the table.

“Where else would he go?” Kanda asked.

“Well, your bedroom is an option,” Allen suggested. “He has a futon on the floor with a blanket and a pillow.”

“The bed is going in your room. He might as well stay there,” Kanda said. “He really needs his own room.” Kanda shifted Aiko on his shoulder.

“…I have an idea,” Allen said slyly. Kanda waited. “I could move into your room and Aiko can have mine.” Kanda wasn’t sure if he liked the idea. It would put the whole situation up on trial again. His relationship with Allen had already become a well known fact around the Order, but sharing a room with Allen just made it all very apparent. Lavi already found it revolting.

“Okay, stupid idea, I’m sure the Order has plenty of open rooms for him that are close by-“

“Does it bother you, what Lavi thinks?”

“What?” Allen asked confused.

“He thinks we’re sickening,” Kanda said flatly. Suddenly Aiko felt like a disease that he was carrying in his arms.

“Lavi said that?” Allen was in disbelief. Kanda’s gaze made it true.

“I’ll talk to him. He would never be cruel and judgmental,” Allen saw the best in Lavi.

“He heard us, after everyone personally attacked me in my own room. He stood by to make sure I didn’t hurt you,” Kanda explained.

“Did you know?” Allen asked.

“I figured it out,” Kanda said moving his hand to Aiko’s back.

“Maybe…he thought you _were_ hurting me,” Allen said quietly.

“…I wasn’t,” Kanda said irritated.

“I know, but maybe he _didn’t_ ,” Allen said defending Lavi.

“It isn’t any of his business what I do to you,” Kanda said roughly.

“I’m just an object?”

“Don’t make it sound like you’re an abused girlfriend Moyashi. It’s not attractive.” The waitress came back over.

“Are you ready to order?” she asked politely. Allen proceeded to order the entire menu while Kanda ordered chicken for Aiko and steak for himself. She left and the boys returned to their conversation.

“Sorry. I was just trying to see from Lavi’s point of view,” Allen said shrugging.

“I don’t want you to bring it up with him,” Kanda said.

“Lavi’s my best friend,” Allen protested.

“Did you tell him about us four years ago?” Kanda asked angrily. Allen hesitated.

“He figured it out Kanda! It wasn’t like it was hard to,” Allen said trying to cover his ass.

“Lenalee knew,” Kanda half confessed; he hadn’t told her, she had just put two and two together.

“I think everyone did. We were just fooling ourselves,” Allen said. Kanda was embarrassed; he hated being the fool.

“But no one cared,” Allen said trying to be reassuring. They waited quietly for their food and when it arrived Kanda woke up Aiko.

“Hey Chibi, wake up, your food is here,” Kanda said into Aiko’s ear, coming up with a nickname for the smaller version of himself and Allen fused. Aiko’s eyes fluttered open and he picked his head off Kanda’s shoulder. Kanda placed him on the inside next to the window while the waitress served the hot food. Aiko was still waking up while Kanda and Allen began on their food. Allen suddenly started laughing under his breath. Kanda furrowed his eyebrows and Allen gestured to Aiko, who was trying to cram an entire chicken thigh into his mouth.

“What are you doing?” Kanda asked after swallowing a piece of steak.

“Eating,” Aiko said with a mouthful of chicken.

“Cut your food,” Kanda said almost appalled with Aiko’s table manners. Aiko stabbed the chicken with his fork in the center and took the knife to it at a ninety degree angle.

“You’re never going to get anywhere if you keep mutilating it,” Kanda said taking another bite.

“Teach him how to cut it,” Allen suggested in between feeding his face.

Quick with a knife, just as he was with a sword, he sliced up the chicken into manageable pieces. Allen rolled his eyes knowing Aiko wouldn’t be able to recreate the actions again. Kanda went back to eating his own food and pretending there wasn’t a runt sitting next to him. Aiko then began eating with horrible table manners. It took a matter of five minutes before Kanda found mash potatoes on his arm. His head turned slowly to the oblivious little boy.

“Did Komui not teach you any manners?” Kanda asked slowly.

“What?” Aiko asked with his mouthful.

“It’s safe to say that’s our job,” Allen said licking his fingers of sauce.

“Look, don’t eat with your fingers, stop getting food everywhere, don’t talk with your mouth full, and learn your ‘please’ and ‘thank yous’,” Kanda instructed the messy eater. Aiko ignored him out of pure child attention capacity.

“You have to show him,” Allen said leaning over the table and wiping off Aiko’s face. Aiko squirmed and flung mashed potatoes into Kanda’s eyes. Kanda wiped them out with a flick of his longer pointer finger. He grabbed Aiko’s shoulders and held him still so Allen would clean his face.

“Just, hold, still,” Kanda said trying to avoid kicking feet and mashed potato bombs. Allen fell on the table into plates of food and Aiko slammed a handful of chicken on Allen’s head and then escaped Kanda and crawled under the table, giggling like a maniac. Kanda and Allen were on their feet in a matter of seconds. Splitting up to cover more ground, Allen and Kanda dashed off to find their wild child.

The restaurant collectively turned their heads to watch the scene unfold as two young men ran around trying to nab a hysterical child. Kanda’s reflexes were less than a fraction of a second but were not proving useful in locating Aiko. Running full circle around the small restaurant, Kanda tripped on top of a body.

“Moyashi!” Kanda shouted recognizing Allen’s legs. Allen was flattened under Kanda, his face smashed to the floor, Kanda had tripped clean over his shoulders and they had landed in a compromising position for the both of them, however accurate it was.

“Get off my ass!” Allen shouted turning under Kanda. Kanda fell off and then crawled angrily up to Allen’s face.

“Why were you on the ground anyway?” Kanda asked, palms pressing into a dirty restaurant floor. Allen sat up and pointed under the table. Kanda looked to find a giggling little boy.

“You-“ Kanda proceeded to crawl towards Aiko.

“Be gentle!” Allen urged. Kanda pulled Aiko out by his ankle, but the little kid kept laughing uncontrollably. Kanda stood next to Allen dangling Aiko upside down in front of him.

“Let’s not go shopping with him again,” Allen suggested.

“Che.”


	5. ベッドなし Without a Bed

“…he’s not. And he didn’t and doesn’t,” Kanda heard Allen say.

“I stopped him once and then heard him do it again once everyone had left,” a voice Kanda recognized as Lavi’s replied.

“Uh, Lavi…you were listening?” Allen said embarrassed. Kanda came into plain view in the deserted lounge.

“I’m disgusting?” Kanda asked thinking Lavi was a pervert.

“I was making sure Allen-kun was alright alone with you,” Lavi defended. “I don’t trust you.”

“I don’t trust you either,” Kanda said coming to stand next to Allen.

“Guys, there’s just been a misunderstanding,” Allen said waving his left hand while scratching the back of his head nervously.

“I think I get it,” Kanda said glaring at Lavi.

“I’m just concerned for Allen,” Lavi said, his eyes hardening.

“He’s not being abused baka usagi,” Kanda said coldly.

“The evidence is against you,” Lavi returned.

“Where’s the proof?”

“He’s shown me his back.”

Allen grabbed Kanda’s hand with two agendas, he wanted to let Kanda know it was okay and to stop his hand from flying up to hit Lavi in the face. Kanda squeezed Allen’s hand tightly in anger.

“Don’t Kanda, don’t,” Allen pleaded. Kanda and Lavi shot flames out of their eyes. Kanda tore his eyes away and turned his head to Allen’s ear.

“Why?” Kanda whispered sharply. Allen didn’t answer, he was looking at Lavi. Allen’s face grew hot with embarrassment; the situation was becoming increasingly awkward.

“Leave him alone,” Lavi said keeping his distance.

“Lavi, I didn’t mean anything by showing you, I was just mad at the time. It’s my personal business with Kanda and I shouldn’t have brought it up,” Allen said reaching out to Lavi.

“Allen-kun! Stop protecting him. You keep contradicting yourself,” Lavi said, his facial expression dropped in sad frustration.

“You keep to yourself,” Kanda addressed Lavi then turned to Allen, “and you stop making public service announcements.”

“Yuu, he’s scared of you,” Lavi said angrily.

“I’m not scared Lavi. I’ve been dealing with Master Cross for a lot longer,” Allen argued.

“Why don’t you tell him to stop?” Lavi asked concerned and confused.

“It doesn’t bother me,” Allen said trying to lighten the mood.

“I’m making a big deal about the scars on your back?” Lavi asked in disbelief.

“Hai,” Kanda answered.

“They weren’t put there on purpose,” Allen said defending Kanda.

“You didn’t seem like that when I saw them,” Lavi reminded him.

“Well, it’s kind of embarrassing,” Allen said placing his hand nervously to the back of his head again. Kanda still hadn’t let go of Allen’s other hand yet, he was squeezing it within an inch of its life.

“Mind your own business,” Kanda growled. Lavi’s expression softened to Allen.

“Don’t let him control you,” Lavi said. He left the lounge glaring at Kanda. Once out of earshot, Kanda let go of Allen’s hand.

“Explain yourself,” Kanda said towering over Allen.

“I was just hanging out with him and he put his hand on my back and it hurt, so he asked why, and I showed him,” Allen explained innocently.

“You couldn’t lie?”

“He’s my best friend.”

“You had to tell him about that? Really?”

“Kanda, it’s my life too, I can talk to who I want to.”

“Privacy, doesn’t it mean anything?”

“I’m sorry. But I can talk to him if I want. I didn’t tell anyone else and he won’t either.”

“I don’t want you to talk about us with anyone.”

“I’m going to tell Lavi what I want.” Kanda glared fiercely into Allen’s grey eyes. He turned to leave Allen in the lounge alone.

Only to provoke Kanda’s emotions further, he saw Lavi outside Allen’s bedroom door, with Aiko. Kanda marched over to the pair and roughly grabbed Aiko’s hand.

“Daddy,” Aiko said happily. Lavi looked up to Kanda and felt he was being immature.

“Where’s Allen?” Lavi asked coolly. His distaste for Kanda had grown enormously.

“Che,” Kanda wasn’t about to invite Lavi back to Allen. He took Aiko, making the little boy jog along to keep up.

“You’re going too fast,” Aiko said trying to keep from tripping. Kanda slowed and picked up his kid.

“Don’t ever talk to him again,” Kanda ordered Aiko upon reaching his room. He set him down and walked over to his window to take a breath. He was losing his cool entirely too much and too fast.

“You’re mad,” Aiko pointed out.

“I am.”

“Are you mad at me?” Kanda turned around to face the meek boy.

“No, I’m mad at Lavi and Moyashi,” Kanda said gritting his teeth.

“I’m not mad at you daddy,” Aiko said coming over to Kanda and grabbing his finger.

“Chibi, don’t call me ‘daddy’,” Kanda said.

“But mommy said I could call you that,” Aiko said confused.

“My name is Kanda,” he said.

“Kana?”

“Kanda.”

“Kana.”

“No, with a ‘d’, you aren’t pronouncing it right,” Kanda said looking at Aiko who was concentrating hard.

“Kan…a.”

“Da. Da,” Kanda repeated to no avail.

“Daddy?” Aiko asked.

“No. My name is Yuu _Kanda_ ,” Kanda sighed.

“Yuu?” Aiko asked happily.

“Don’t start calling me by my first name,” Kanda couldn’t believe he was getting into names with a four year old, it was pathetic.

“I can say ‘Yuu’,” Aiko said proudly. Kanda gave up. Allen called him ‘Yuu’ occasionally, Aiko could actually pronounce it and it was better than ‘daddy’. Kanda just wanted to know why the ‘da’ from ‘daddy’ couldn’t transfer to his name.

“Play trains with me Yuu,” Aiko said tugging on Kanda’s hand.

“You can play trains. I’ll watch,” Kanda said amazed at how A.D.D. his son seemed to be. It was just normal four year old behavior.

“Please?”

“Oh, you do know manners,” Kanda commented.

“Play with me,” Aiko stomped his feet.

“You’re impatient. I’ll be right here, you can play by yourself,” Kanda said taking off his shoes while he sat on the side of the bed.

“Don’t sleep,” Aiko said rushing to Kanda’s legs.

“I’m not going to bed, I’m just going to read,” Kanda said standing up and going to a bookcase across the room.

“Read to me,” Aiko said trying to worm his way into Kanda’s activities.

“I don’t have anything you would understand,” Kanda said pulling out Nietzsche.

“Let’s go outside and play then,” Aiko said oblivious to the cloudy weather.

“Didn’t Moyashi buy you books to read?” Kanda asked going back to his bed.

“No,” Aiko said sitting stubbornly on the floor.

“Why don’t you meditate or something?” Kanda asked situating himself with a pillow behind his head.

“What’s that?” Before Kanda could answer there was a knock on the door. Kanda got off his bed and opened the door to reveal Allen.

“Where’s Aiko?” he asked peering around Kanda. Aiko ran to Kanda’s legs and peered around.

“Hi mom!” Aiko said happily.

“Hi pirate. Do you want to come with me and Lavi to town again?” Allen asked ignoring Kanda’s piercing glare.

“He’s not going anywhere with Lavi,” Kanda said with an authoritarian manner.

“He can come if he wants,” Allen said looking into Kanda’s eyes.

“No, I’m not letting him out with Lavi,” Kanda said defiantly.

“Lavi isn’t dangerous Kanda, you know that,” Allen said feeling Kanda was being immature.

“Isn’t Aiko our child?”

“Yeah…”

“Then Lavi doesn’t need to raise him,” Kanda said holding back the confused boy.

“Where are you going mom?” Aiko asked pushing at Kanda’s legs, Kanda pushed back.

“He’s not. Kanda are you threatened? I can’t believe you’re being so insecure,” Allen said shaking his head.

“Our relationship isn’t in question, is it? I just don’t want him around Lavi,” Kanda said.

“Keep telling yourself that,” Allen muttered.

“What is _that_ supposed to mean?!” Kanda asked feeling Aiko hug his leg.

“Nothing! Nothing. I’m going now, I don’t know when I’ll be back,” Allen said. He leaned down and Aiko gave him a hug and a kiss and he was gone.

“Don’t know when you’ll be back. Is he trying to piss me off?” Kanda muttered aloud.

“Who are you talking to?” Aiko asked following Kanda back into his room.

“No one,” Kanda answered.

“Why wouldn’t you let me go with mom?” Aiko asked frustrated.

“He’s fine to go with. I just don’t want you around Lavi,” Kanda explained.

“What’s bad about Lavi?” Aiko asked tugging on Kanda’s hand.

“He wants to tear me and Moyashi apart,” Kanda said gripping Aiko’s hand. He looked to the small child and wondered how Lavi could be okay with taking Allen away from him and leaving Aiko in the mix.

“Won’t that hurt?” Aiko asked unable to grasp the double meaning of “tear”.

“It does hurt,” Kanda said coldly looking back out the window.

“Why do you let mom go with him then?” Aiko asked, eye brows still furrowed.

“He’s old enough to make up his mind. I’m protecting you,” Kanda said pulling Aiko to his side, holding him close.

“You should protect mommy too though,” Aiko said hugging Kanda’s side.

“I can’t…” Kanda said not liking the truth of his weakness.

“You can do anything Yuu,” Aiko said pulling away and smiling hopefully. “You’re big and strong.”

“He doesn’t want me to protect him,” Kanda said walking over to his bed, Aiko followed.

“Doesn’t he love you?” Aiko asked. “Komui says my parents love each other.”

“He says he does,” Kanda said pulling Aiko onto the bed.

“I love you,” Aiko said leaning on Aiko’s shoulder. They sat for a few moments. Kanda couldn’t bring himself to ever say ‘love’. It was the ultimate anchor to his heart, a weight he wasn’t sure he could bear.

“I’m hungry,” Aiko said rubbing his stomach.

“Let’s go eat then. And don’t run around like you’ve got ants in your pants,” Kanda said standing and leading them to the door.

“I’ll be good for Yuu,” Aiko said running up along Kanda. Kanda remembered that Aiko was shorter and couldn’t walk as fast. He slowed down and Aiko reached up instinctively to grab Kanda’s hand. They walked down the hallway and only when they entered the cafeteria did they get approving, shocked looks.

“Soba for you Kanda and…what does the little one want?” Jerry asked peering adoringly down to Aiko.

“Soba,” Aiko said trying to sound like Kanda. Jerry smiled and within moments both had their food. Aiko followed Kanda as a ‘mini me’ with the same posture and expression. He sat down exactly as Kanda did and watched him to imitate his every move. Kanda didn’t notice this at all, he was just happy to eat, even if it was a small pleasure.

Aiko was well versed in the art of chopsticks thanks to Komui, but was making an awful mess after slurping up the noodles. Kanda felt sauce splat on his bare arm and he turned his head to the left.

“Chibi,” Kanda said looking at Aiko. Aiko looked up, long bangs covered his eyes.

“Yuu?” Aiko asked chopsticks in midair.

“Don’t slurp,” Kanda said turning back to his food. Aiko stared at the noodles.

“Could you help?” Aiko asked quietly.

“Just watch me,” Kanda instructed. Aiko tried carefully but kept dripping everywhere.

“You’re making a mess, hang on,” Kanda said reaching for the napkins further down the table. He turned Aiko’s face towards him and cleaned the sauce off.

“He’s _not_ heartless…” someone said behind the pair. Kanda turned around slowly and threateningly. It was the finder from before when Kanda had eaten alone.

“What’s your name anyway?” Kanda asked. Aiko had turned around to watch his dad talking to someone other than himself.

“Miles,” he said smiling at Aiko.

“You can keep your comments to yourself, Miles,” Kanda said coolly.

“You have a heart, I guess it’s just cold,” Miles said harshly. Aiko looked a little scared.

“I never asked you to examine my heart,” Kanda said keeping eye contact.

“It’s just a wonder that Allen can find anything to like about you,” Miles said.

“My personal business is private. Keep your pompous opinions out of it,” Kanda said. Miles didn’t want to fight Kanda verbally or physically with Aiko present; he backed off.

“Hurry up and finish,” Kanda muttered to Aiko. Aiko quickly tried to eat his noodles, every so often glancing up at Kanda. They finished around the same time and left. Kanda walked down the hall, Aiko jogged to keep up.

“Dad!” Aiko shouted falling far behind. Kanda stopped abruptly and Aiko ran to him. Kanda picked him up and they went to Allen’s room. Kanda put Aiko down and slammed the door.

“Don’t be mad again,” Aiko said sadly. “I don’t like people making you mad.”

“Che.” Aiko went to Kanda and hugged him around the waist. Kanda put a hand on his back and then picked him up and sat them both on the bed. Kanda noticed the clock on the wall; it was around two in the afternoon.

“I’m gonna draw,” Aiko said pulling a box of crayons and paper from beneath the bed. He sprawled out on his futon and paper spread across his pillow. Kanda lay down on Allen’s bed and thought while watching the kid draw black circles with obscure faces on them.

“Don’t look yet!” Aiko said covering up his paper with his tiny arms. Kanda rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. Aiko started to make frustrated noises after a while.

“What’s wrong?” Kanda asked, a little dead in his voice.

“I keep putting holes in the paper,” Aiko sniffled and showed Kanda.

“You need a table. Let’s get out of here and go into the library, there’s a coffee table you can use,” Kanda said getting off the bed taking Aiko’s free hand while he carried his art supplies. A few people passed and stared; Kanda looking paternal was beyond anything they could think of when describing him.

Kanda set Aiko’s stuff on the table and got a book from the large bookcase towering upwards and expanding across the wall. He came to the couch and made himself comfortable while Aiko drew indiscriminate geometric shapes. Some five minutes later, the masterpiece was created.

“It’s us!” Aiko said pointing to the three disconnected circles with faces. “That’s you,” he explained pointing to the dark blue one with a straight line for a mouth. “That’s mommy,” he said pointing to the opposite disconnected oblong shape, a big curved line shown through. “And that’s me,” he said pointing to the short circle in black and blue.

“You’re mad, mommy is happy, and I’m happy!” Aiko said giving the picture to Kanda. Instead of asking why he was angry, he accepted that Aiko only saw him in a bad mood. It wasn’t that Kanda was perpetually pissed, he just happened to be a very introspective person, very concealed. Kanda took the picture, examined it, and folded it into his pocket, the same pants pocket that held a wrinkled, dog-eared picture of Allen.

Aiko went back to drawing and Kanda looked straight through the book. Why was Allen out with Lavi even if he knew that Kanda didn’t want him to? He didn’t listen or comply to his wishes anymore and Kanda was feeling pushed out in his own relationship. Losing control of Allen over to Lavi was driving him insane.

Drawing didn’t keep Aiko occupied for very long. He soon crawled onto the couch where Kanda was reading the same line of the book over and over.

“Yuu?” Aiko asked timidly.

“Hm?” he asked trying to re-concentrate on the book.

“Play with me,” Aiko said pulling the book down.

“I don’t play,” Kanda answered.

“Who do I play with?” Aiko asked over the book.

“…” Kanda hadn’t thought about the fact there was no one the same age around the Order. Children went out to play with other children, the Order didn’t facilitate that.

“I’m bored,” Aiko said backing off Kanda to sit as his feet. Rain splattered onto the window outside and Kanda sighed. The day was going by too slowly for Kanda.

“Is mom home?” Aiko asked fidgeting.

“No, he’s not back yet,” Kanda answered.

“Play with meee,” Aiko said with determination.

“You need toys…” Kanda muttered.

“Play with me!” Aiko demanded shoving at Kanda’s legs. Kanda glared.

“What are you doing?” Kanda asked.

“Plaaay,” Aiko said shaking Kanda’s legs. Kanda stiffened and sat up.

“No, just find something else to do,” Kanda said getting annoyed. Aiko started whining, he was annoyed with Kanda himself. Kanda put his book down and got threateningly close to Aiko.

“Don’t complain,” he ordered.

“I is bored,” Aiko said crinkling his nose.

“You’re not going to whine about it,” Kanda said. Aiko frowned.

“Let’s go back to your room,” Kanda said, Aiko followed sniveling a little.

“I want Komui,” Aiko muttered.

“What?” Aiko asked turning around in the middle of the hallway.

“Komui is nicer,” he said folding his arms stubbornly.

“Go see him then,” Kanda shrugged. Why did the midget want him and Allen in the first place if he still wanted to be with Komui? Aiko stared at Kanda. He didn’t think he would actually let him go.

“Where is he?” Aiko asked.

“You can find him yourself,” Kanda said turning to leave. Aiko was confused. Kanda heard him stomp off behind him.

\---

The next four hours were quiet solitude for training and meditation. All good things come to an end though, as Kanda found out with a crash on his door. Slowly moving towards it, he heard Aiko shouting his name. Swinging the door open, the little boy spilled onto the floor and scrambled behind Kanda for protection. A robot appeared in front of Kanda with swiveling eyes searching for the small child. Kanda swiftly took out his mugen and lopped off the malfunctioning machine’s head. Aiko cried in relief and Kanda turned around waiting for an explanation.

Aiko’s story of why he was sopping wet, dusty, and scraped up made about as much sense as his existence. Kanda gathered that it had something to do with Komui.

“Hold still, stop sniveling. Chibi! Pull yourself together!” Kanda said putting his hands on the small fragile shoulders. Aiko gave a final sniff and his watery eyes looked up into Kanda’s stern pair.

“Sorrrry,” Aiko wailed thinking he was in trouble.

“Don’t apologize for your feelings. Just don’t freak out over everything,” Kanda said sighing and letting go of Aiko’s shoulders. Aiko wiped his eyes and sneezed.

“You’re a mess,” Kanda said looking down and Aiko’s sticky wet hair and body coated with dust. Kanda took Aiko’s little hand and enveloped it inside his. Aiko jogged to keep up with Kanda having no idea where he was going. A few minutes later, a large door opened by Kanda’s hand and revealed something that looked like a fancy swimming pool.

“Swimming!” Aiko said trying to bolt out from Kanda’s strong hand.

“No. You need a bath,” Kanda said going to the edge of the large tub.

“I don’t want to!” Aiko protested.

“You are going to,” Kanda said ignoring the resistance.

“No, no, no,” Aiko said wiggling around. There was absolutely no escaping from Kanda’s grasp.

“You’re a dirty little runt,” Kanda explained. He held Aiko’s hand and with his free one he pulled Aiko’s shirt off, switching hands to get his other sleeve off. Kanda wasn’t letting go. Aiko sat down on the ground and tried to roll away from Kanda. Kanda grabbed Aiko’s pants and yanked them off.

“You’re getting cleaned up rather you like it or not,” Kanda said getting Aiko completely undressed. He picked up the wiggle worm and dunked him into the water. Aiko bobbed back up and was crying with fear. Kanda hadn’t intended to scare him and instantly felt horrible. Controlling and forcing Allen into things, that was a sort of sadistic pleasure of his. The sheer horror plastered over Aiko’s face was nothing of the same nature. Kanda pulled Aiko back out and the child hugged his knees trying to control himself. Kanda became paralyzed. He needed Allen to help him with the parenting.

Kanda reached out a hand to Aiko’s back, he flinched.

“Gomenasai,” Kanda apologized in Japanese. Aiko looked up and sniffed, confused.

“I’m sorry,” Kanda said almost shuddering at the very idea of needing to apologize. Kanda always meant to do whatever actions he took, hurting Aiko was not his intention. Aiko was still shaken up, regardless of the apology though. Kanda was never one to provide comfort. His internal structure didn’t allow much empathy. Kanda remembered back at the shops that picking him up and stroking his hair seemed to calm him down. He moved over to Aiko and pulled him onto his lap. Hugging him made him realize he had to be more gentle and patient than he was used to. Kanda had become Aiko’s sensei, so it was up to Kanda to produce the results he wanted to see.

“Here, lets’ get you back into the water so you’re not cold,” Kanda offered. Aiko looked up and sniveled a little.

“Do…you want me to come with you?” Kanda asked trying to think of solutions to make the experience less traumatizing. Aiko nodded vigorously in response.

“Okay, you get in first,” Kanda said seeing Aiko’s fear melt. Kanda got undressed and Aiko got into the shallow end of the giant bath. Kanda followed after him and though it was a strange experience, Aiko seemed to have an improved mood; that was the most important objective.

“Play time?” Aiko asked hopefully. Kanda moved his long hair off from over his shoulder. He sighed, he didn’t ‘play’, but it wasn’t an unreasonable request from the runt.

“…uh, what do you want…to…do?” Kanda asked unsure of bath time activities that didn’t include Allen.

“Pirates!” Aiko shouted excited to make a decision.

“…how…?”

“We fight bad guys,” Aiko said standing up pretending to hold an invisible sword.

“…okay,” Kanda said not wanting to stand up and run around naked in a bathtub. “Sit down though, you’re going to slip,” Kanda said taking Aiko’s arm gently. Aiko came and sat down next to Kanda. When it came down to it, Kanda didn’t know how to play pretend. Aiko took it upon himself to make various character voices while Kanda observed. He became fascinated with the expanse of Aiko’s imagination, even if half of what he was saying made no coherent sense.

“Let’s get washed up, you’re turning into a prune,” Kanda said taking the bar of soap off the ledge.

“No, no, no,” Aiko said. Kanda reached out and grabbed Aiko around the waist so he would only fall into Kanda safely.

“Hai,” Kanda said rubbing the soap on the squirming kid.

“Hai?” Kanda asked confused again.

“Yes,” Kanda repeated in English.

“No,” Aiko pouted.

“Hai,” Kanda said again holding up Aiko’s leg to wash it.

“No.”

“Hai.”

“Nooo.”

“Hold still,” Kanda said splashing water over Aiko to get off the soap; Kanda grabbed the shampoo and squirted it. He got it in Aiko’s hair and lathered it up.

“Lay down so I can get the shampoo out,” Kanda said. Aiko had finally calmed down enough and did as he was told. He repeated it for the conditioner.

“You too,” Aiko said sitting and taking the bar of soap himself. Kanda took the soap and cleaned up. His long hair took much more time and care though. Aiko came around from behind Kanda and started playing with his hair. Kanda’s normal reaction to stop the touching was too harsh for Aiko. Aiko didn’t mean anything disrespectful, only curiosity and playfulness.

Kanda turned around and picked up Aiko. They got out of the tub, Kanda handed Aiko a towel and he dried himself off. Aiko tried drying himself off but was still sopping. Kanda took the towel and dried him off, ruffling his shaggy hair. Kanda found a robe for himself and wrapped Aiko in the huge towel. Trying to walk, Aiko tripped over the giant white coarse towel.

“You’re so tiny,” Kanda said picking the kid up. One hand carried Aiko, the other held dirty clothes. Kanda sat Aiko down on his bed once they entered the room. Kanda dressed and trusted Aiko to sit still for a minute. Kanda left to Allen’s room and got Aiko’s pajamas. He paused for a minute and looked at the picture on the wall and the emptiness around him.

“Baka,” Kanda muttered and left. Kanda reentered his room to find Aiko passed out on his bed. Kanda dressed him carefully and returned him to his futon in Allen’s empty room.

When dinner time rolled around, Kanda forgot to wake up Aiko. He ate alone, a few people whispered again, but it wasn’t such a hot topic anymore. Back to his room, ready to go to bed, he turned off his light and became angry with his loneliness. He went to sleep with a stern expression on his face.

\---

“Daddy! Dad! Dad!” An alarmed voice came screaming through the dark. Little fists pounded feverishly against Kanda’s large wooden door. Kanda stirred and his ears adjusted to the sounds around him. Lightening briefly illuminated his room and thunder clap quickly followed. Aiko screamed louder. Kanda came to the door and upon opening it, Aiko instantly clung to his body. Kanda picked him up out of recent habit and closed the door.

Trying to place Aiko on his bed proved to be a challenge.

 “I’m scared, I’m scared,” Aiko repeated crying into Kanda’s shoulder. Kanda sat on his bed at the top and held Aiko close. He placed his long hand across his back and hugged him. Aiko continuously cried, hiccupped, and tried to catch his breath. Kanda didn’t remember crying half as much as Aiko when he was around that age. Kanda thought it must’ve come from Allen. Thinking of Allen made him wonder why Aiko wasn’t with him…unless he wasn’t back yet.

When Aiko started to breathe normally, Kanda asked him to explain. Aiko went into another story that didn’t make entirely too much sense. Kanda gathered that he and Allen were fighting air or something invisible and Allen had gone down. Kanda then proceeded to protect the unconscious Allen but fell too because the invisible thing paralyzed him when Aiko was taken.

“We’re not hurt, and you’re safe,” Kanda said reassuring the teary eyed child.

“It’s real!” Aiko argued. “Dreams are real.”

“Dreams aren’t real Aiko. Look, we’re all fine.”

“Where’s mommy?”

“I’m sure he’s not hurt,” Kanda became bitter thinking of Allen with Lavi and himself forced to parent.

“They are always true,” Aiko continued.

“Why do you think so?” Kanda asked trying to facilitate comfort in the shaken boy.

“Komui said so,” Aiko explained.

“Komui…” Kanda sighed. “Just don’t worry while you’re with me.”

“Okay,” Aiko said burying his head back in Kanda’s shoulder. They sat for a minute and Kanda heard Aiko’s stomach growl.

“You didn’t have dinner,” Kanda said standing up with Aiko. They walked in the dark, rain pouring on the outside, the atmosphere was cold. Aiko shivered and Kanda pulled him closer. He was heavy, but Kanda was stronger than the average man.

In the cafeteria, Kanda took them to the kitchen. He sat Aiko down on the counter and went to the cold storage. Ice cream. All there happened to be was ice cream. Kanda pulled it out, got a bowl and served it to Aiko. Aiko beamed and started shoveling it in.

Kanda leaned against the counter, arms folded and eyes closed. Drifting back into a light sleep, a small hand shook his arm.

“Do you want some ice cream?” Aiko offered; a spoonful of mint chocolate chip spilling off the side.

“I don’t like sweet things,” Kanda said shrugging it off.

“Try please,” Aiko pushed the spoon closer to Kanda’s face. “Try it Yuu.”

“I don’t-“ and his mouth was filled with cold, melted ice cream. He swallowed it and turned to Aiko with a glare. Aiko’s smile faded and he went back to making a mess of his face. Kanda reached for a dish towel and saw the pantry cracked open. Investigating, he found bundles of dry soba. Kanda took out a bundle, found a pot, filled it with water, and started it to boil. Aiko had finished his ice cream and was watching.

“Soba?” he questioned.

“Better than ice cream,” Kanda confirmed. Aiko fidgeted and tried to get off the counter over to Kanda. Kanda pushed himself up and helped Aiko off before he fell.

“You’re not very careful Chibi,” Kanda said going back to the water. Aiko leaned on Kanda’s lower body; they rested for a few minutes. A while later, the water boiled. Kanda added the noodles and after eight minutes he strained them, washed them and put them on a plate. Kanda lifted Aiko back to the counter, handed him chopsticks, and watched him eat. The little kid enjoyed it and offered Kanda some of his food again. This time Kanda willfully accepted.

Finishing a midnight dinner, Kanda carried the boy back to Allen’s room and set him down.

“Nooo,” Aiko said sadly.

“It’s your bed,” Kanda explained.

“It’s scary!” Aiko protested. Kanda sighed.

“You’re always in here. Why is it scary now?” Kanda asked not understanding.

“Mommy is gone,” Aiko frowned.

“Moyashiii…” Kanda growled.

“I’ll sleep with you,” Aiko smiled hopefully.

“Are you just afraid of the dark?” Aiko nodded and lightning and thunder followed. Aiko sat up and hugged Kanda’s waist. Kanda was too tired and it was too late for him to make Aiko overcome the childish fear. With that, he knew as a child, it was normal to feel afraid left alone in the dark in a rainstorm.

“Mommy’s gone,” Aiko repeated. “And lightning and thunder.”

“He’ll be home in the morning and the thunder and lightning can’t hurt you,” Kanda told him while peeling him off his waist.

“I can sleep with you,” Aiko looked up to the towering Kanda. Kanda picked him up for the thousandth time and they walked back to Kanda’s room. Kanda placed Aiko down and scooted him over. Kanda got in the bed and faced away from the wall and Aiko.

“I’m cold,” Aiko said into the dark. Kanda tossed over his blanket. Aiko bundled himself up and shifted around bumping into Kanda.

“Hold still,” Kanda muttered holding out an arm over Aiko’s chest. Aiko grabbed his arm to hug. Kanda turned over and looked at Aiko, the boy smiled. He then moved so that Kanda’s body made a half moon to protect him.

“Sleep,” Aiko said patting Kanda’s large hand. Kanda hugged Aiko close, he was clever.


	6. (無条件の Unconditional

The next morning, Kanda woke up with a cramp in his side from not moving all night. Stretching and getting out of bed, he woke Aiko.

“Good morning,” Aiko smiled rolling over. Kanda dressed and they shuffled down to breakfast. Light poured into the Order, the rain had vanished and left the outside world rich with color. In the cafeteria, Aiko and Kanda received waffles. Eating tired and quietly, the morning was interrupted by two loud boys bursting in for some food.

“Mommy!” Aiko shouted running towards Allen. Kanda watched for a brief moment and went back to eating, now with a vengeance.

“Hi Aiko!” Allen said picking up the little boy. Lavi greeted him as well and ruffled his hair.

“Did you have fun with Kanda yesterday?” Allen asked in a more childish tone than Kanda ever did. Aiko launched into tales of the day and night before as Allen and Lavi got their breakfast from Jerry. Allen nodded at the appropriate places and gasped, completely humoring the young mind. Allen took a seat next to Kanda and Lavi grabbed Aiko’s food and sat on the other side of him. Kanda didn’t look up to see Allen.

Before Allen noticed this, his instinct pulled Kanda’s chin to his face and tried for a kiss. Kanda recoiled, stood up and left, a glare burning into Allen’s eyes. The room had paid attention, Allen always drew eyes, Aiko was loud enough for himself and Kanda’s anger frightened them. They watched the scene and pretended to go back to eating. Life had been quieter before Aiko and the affair had been announced.

Alone in his room, Kanda calmed himself. He used to have poise, composure and will. Anything concerning Allen, ever since he met him, seemed to set him off more than most. He lost it without a second though. That was the only thing Kanda didn’t understand, how Allen could have such a profound affect on his mood and temper.

Allen had been with Lavi though, over night. Regardless of what Allen might’ve divulged, their actions would speak louder than their words. The nerve he had to pawn off Aiko and force him to parent. He hadn’t thought at all. It was unlike Allen to be selfish, Kanda blamed Lavi. Of course blaming Lavi didn’t make him any more relaxed. His entire day had been shot to hell when the two of them had shown up.

An hour later Kanda was still in his room. He had taken to meditating because all else had failed. A knock on the door bothered him and he tried to ignore it. It soon became repetitive though and he answered. Allen stood in the doorway with Aiko.

“Are you alright?” Allen asked holding Aiko’s hand.

“What’s wrong?” Aiko asked.

“I was done eating,” Kanda lied.

“You didn’t clean up,” Aiko said.

“What did you want?” Kanda asked looking to Allen.

“Just to check on you,” Allen said. “I’ll get something for Aiko to do so we can talk.”

“Che.” Allen left with Aiko and fifteen minutes later returned.

“What’s he doing?” Kanda asked.

“He’s busy. Just tell me what’s wrong,” Allen said sincerely. Kanda let him into his room and stood at his window, Allen stayed back.

“Don’t be so stupid moyashi,” Kanda said bitterly. Allen could figure it out on his own.

“Nothing happened that I can think of,” Allen said walking up behind Kanda.

“Baka!” Kanda spat. He turned around and stared coldly at Allen.

“You’re seriously jealous of Lavi?” Allen asked in disbelief. “That’s so petty Kanda. You aren’t ever like that.”

“I’m not jealous. I’m pissed off because you thought it would be fun to stick Aiko with me and go on a play-date with that baka usagi,” Kanda said spitting on Lavi’s name.

“Kanda! I wanted to bring Aiko with us, you’re the one that didn’t let him. What is your problem with Lavi?” Allen asked coming up to Kanda touching his forearm. Kanda drew back and glowered.

“He seems to think he knows that is going on between us. He has no idea and you need to stop putting stories into his head,” Kanda said coldly.

“You never used to care when I hung out with Lavi,” Allen reminded him.

“I didn’t know you were exploiting our privacy to him,” Kanda said with his strong arms folded.

“He’s my bestfriend. You even told me you had confessed out affair to Lenalee,” Allen argued.

“I’m not sneaking off with Lenalee,” Kanda said, his eyes still piercing Allen.

“I didn’t sneak off with Lavi! You let me leave,” Allen started raising his voice. Kanda was being incredibly stubborn.

“Do you want to?” Kanda asked.

“Want to what?”

“Leave.”

“BaKanda!” Allen shouted slapping his face. “Stop being so stupid and jealous.” Kanda’s felt his face get hot from Allen’s hand.

“Don’t touch me again Moyashi,” Kanda said taking Allen’s wrist and pushing him into the wall.

“You want me to admit to something I didn’t do,” Allen said a little less boldly.

“Is rain too much for you to walk home in? Are you really so tall that you’ll get struck by lightening?” Kanda asked sarcastically.

“I had no idea that you would have such an insecurity issue,” Allen said, his hand twitching trying to subtly slip from Kanda.

“Insecure? Moyashi, you are letting Lavi control and influence you. You’re becoming selfish,” Kanda said throwing Allen’s hand down.

“Selfish? Kanda, you’re losing site of me within your own anger. Why are we even fighting?” Allen asked searching Kanda’s eyes. Kanda stalked back over to his bed. Explaining himself was near impossible, he expected Allen to understand after four years. Allen followed and stood next to Kanda.

“This is something new for us to deal with, I can’t just read your mind and know this time,” Allen explained quietly.

“You do know me,” Kanda said obstinately not revealing anything. Allen’s eyes softened, he placed his hands on Kanda’s thighs and leaned in.

“And you know me. I love you,” Allen smiled shyly and kissed Kanda gently. Kanda placed his hands in Allen’s hair and kissed him back harder. Being possessive and moody, Kanda decided to show Allen to whom he belonged. Truthfully Kanda was insanely jealous and needy of Allen. His heart had been vulnerable for once in his life and he wanted to keep it protected. Lavi threatened his privacy and relationship with Allen.

Pulling Allen on top of him, he dragged his nails over Allen’s neck and down his shirt. He ripped open his shirt, Allen straddled Kanda’s knees.

“You could try kissing me, You’re never romantic,” Allen said sighing.

“I just did,” Kanda said annoyed.

“You’re always so rough,” Allen whined.

“So are you refusing to be my uke because now you’ve decided I’m too rough?” Kanda asked staring into Allen’s grey eyes.

“I was just thinking…” Allen muttered.

“Well you thought wrong,” Kanda replied thoroughly aggravated.

“Kanda!”

“Shut up moyashi,” Kanda said yanking his hair and pushing him over.

“Hey!” Allen objected.

“Moyashi!” Kanda said sharply. He reached around the front of Allen’s pants, undid them and then pulled them down by the belt from the back. Allen tried to get away, red faced with anger and embarrassment. He got off the bed from under Kanda’s grip and pulled up his pants.

“What are you doing?” Allen screamed. Kanda said with a gap under his legs, his hands making fists on his thighs.

“Yu!” he screamed, freaked out. Kanda remained motionless, his heart tight.

“You’re not okay,” Allen said, a shudder running through him. “I know you’re angry, but don’t forget I’m a human being.”

Kanda felt horrible and laid down on his bed, facing away from Allen. He kept his breathing short and shallow, almost silent. He closed his eyes and pushed his left hand up under his pillow, the right curled up to his bare bandaged torso. Allen’s heart beat erratically and he made a decision to approach Kanda. Sitting on the bed, he put his hand carefully in Kanda’s ponytail playing with his hair.

“It’s nothing. You don’t have to be so forceful Kanda. I’m not leaving you,” Allen said softly. “Lavi will never be what you are to me. He’s not going to replace you as Aiko’s father and he’ll never try to tear us apart. Lavi is my bestfriend, not my boyfriend.” Allen spoon Kanda and kissed his back gently with repetition.

“Get off me,” Kanda muttered darkly. Allen let Kanda’s hair slip through his fingers and he touched Kanda’s bare shoulder.

“I promise,” Allen began.

“You promise?” Kanda sniggered. He sat up and faced Allen at an angle.

“Lavi and I-“

“Shut up about Lavi, you and promises. I want you to leave me alone,” Kanda scowled.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come home Kanda. I’m so sorry,” Allen said sincerely trying.

“Just go shut up,” Kanda said angry and unmoving. Allen leaned into Kanda and put his hand lightly on his cheek.

“How old are we? Don’t we have more important things to deal with?” Allen alluded to Aiko.

“Exactly, it’s no a problem. So get out of my room and take Aiko,” Kanda said in monotone. Allen frowned and knew that he could talk until he was blue in the face, only actions would change their relationship. He gave him a small kiss and backed off the bed and left calmly.

Kanda was hurt and while he didn’t really want Allen to leave, he didn’t want to forgive him. His pride sometimes ruled his life and this wasn’t good for anyone. Honor was important to him and Allen had disgraced him by not contacting the Order to let them know it wasn’t safe to come home. The pettiness of his own jealousy was driving him mad with rage. Allen could lie and cheat, but he also had pride and honor enough to respect Kanda. Oh, Kanda knew Allen love him and would never leave him, but he had to have a public face. He was touch and he couldn’t just let some little speech change his mind, Allen had to prove it.

\--

Kanda had gone to meditate and practice with his katana to stay alert. Things were lazy as of late and he didn’t want to be the one with his guard down. But as with anything concerning Kanda recently, this training and silence did not last long.

“Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!” a little black haired blur ran through the doors and into Kanda. His hips were losing circulation at the hug he acquired.

“Aiko! Come back!” Allen echoed down the hall. He ran into the room after the child and found himself skidding to a halt before knocking over Kanda, baby and all.

“I escaped,” Aiko beamed proudly as he got peeled off from Kanda’s hips.

“From what?” Kanda questioned.

“I was stuck in my room,” Aiko pouted sticking his tongue out at Allen. “Mommy didn’t want me to see you.”

“I’m sorry if he’s bugging you, he’s faster than I thought,” Allen said holding Aiko’s hands across his chest.

“Why didn’t you want him to see me?” Kanda asked with furrowed eyebrows, some frustration leaked from his lips. Allen hesitated.

“He just kept saying you were buuussy,” Aiko whined struggling to elude Allen.

“Come here,” Kanda said defying Allen and giving compassion to his son. Allen let go slowly and Aiko sprung out and jumped into Kanda’s open arms. Kanda lifted Aiko up and stared at Allen waiting for an answer. They stood staring at each other silently.

“Are you guys fighting?” Aiko asked playing with Kanda’s long hair left out of his ponytail. Kanda didn’t want Aiko to grow up having memories of constant fighting. He was too young to understand the situation though.

“I did something that Kanda didn’t like,” Allen began. “I didn’t come home when I should’ve. I didn’t call and let him know where I was or that I was okay.”

“Did you say sorry?” Aiko asked looking accusingly at Allen/

“Yes,” Allen said keeping eye contact with Kanda.

“Did you accept his apology?” Aiko asked turning his head to Kanda. The staring stopped abruptly and Kanda looked down to his hybrid exorcist.

“No,” he said.

“Why not?”

“…”

“Forgive him, you love him,” Aiko said reciting things from Allen. Allen looked embarrassed, he shrunk back. A four year old understood; why couldn’t Kanda? But he knew that Kanda did understand, he just hated being wrong. It would blow over in time; Kanda would silently accept the grievance and move on. Allen also knew hated to express himself through words. All his power lay within his actions and misinterpreting them was easy.

Kanda quickly felt stupid about the whole thing. He was being unreasonably stubborn over such a pathetic, innocent matter. He had to trust Allen, it had never gone wrong before. Putting down Aiko, he stepped up to Allen and suspended his hand in the air with intentions to touch his face.

“I forgive you,” Kanda said softly brushing Allen’s long white bangs away from his scar. He leaned down a little to kiss him and Aiko tried to push them together by their legs.

“Yay!” he shouted happily.

“Che,” Kanda said pulling away a little uncomfortable.

“Can we eat now?” Aiko asked holding his tummy. Allen looked to Kanda for the next step.

“I’ve already eaten, go find Lenalee,” Kanda said still not a fan of Lavi yet. Aiko walked of the room shouting for Lenalee instead of simply using Timcampy to his advantage. Allen hugged Kanda, resting his head on his shoulder.

“Thank you,” Allen whispered. Kanda didn’t reply but held him all the same. Only hours ago Kanda had been filled with rejection. He wasn’t so easily over the situation, his anger and irritation towards Lavi festered deep in him. Allen didn’t have to take the brunt of it anymore though.

“I’m still not okay with Lavi,” Kanda muttered, his hand moving across Allen’s left arm.

“It doesn’t mater right now,” Allen said happy to have the moment. Kanda started moving Allen to the closed sliding doors. Allen backed up, curious to find out what Kanda was planning. The dim light illuminated the doorway; their silhouettes could be seen through the paper blinds. Kanda was not particularly aware of this.

“You can make this up to me,” Kanda said pulling Allen’s arms up, pinning his wrists against the door. Allen breathed nervously. Kanda used one hand to hold onto the restrained limbs white he used the other to tilt Allen’s head to expose his neck. He extended his tongue and tickled Allen’s throat with the tip. Allen controlled his breathing but was scared with the way things were going lately.

Kanda took his free hand and let it subtly touch Allen’s side. It tugged at Allen’s tucked in shirt and loosened it. While his mouth licked at the salt on his boyfriend’s neck, the hand had it’s own mind. It unbuckled his plain black belt and wiggled out the button on his pants.

“K-K-Kanda…” Allen wasn’t sure if this was the best place to be doing this. He also felt helpless under Kanda’s grip. He could push him off, he was strong enough but it would lead to a fight. The passion in him was there, no doubt, but it seemed lustful, not loving. Loving would translate into romance and it was not very romantic doing it in the training room without locks on the doors and paper blinds to see through. Allen didn’t want to make Kanda mad again though; they were finally getting over this morning’s misconception. It was the least he could do to be submissive.

Kanda ignored Allen’s hesitation. His hand was already wrapped around him, his thumb a forefinger played with the tip. Allen shifted under the touch; he exposed his neck more when he tilted his head back. His eyes closed, he was just going to have to let it happen. Closing his eyes made it like the situation wasn’t really happening.

Kanda licked up his neck more full on and coming back down, he let his hand holding Allen’s wrist down and pulled slowly at Allen’s collar to expose his clavicle. His lower hand and his mouth moved in unison to excite Allen who was just trying to control his own breathing. Gradually, Allen’s shirt fell off his shoulders and his pants hung on his hip bones. His breathing got faster as Kanda’s hands touched him more and roughly once he was fully extended.

Allen brought his hands up to his white, shaggy hair and pulled at his own roots. The sensation never got old and actually, it was rarer that Kanda went down on him instead of the other way around. It was an interesting way of saying, ‘I forgive you.’

“Oh, oh, a… ahh…” Allen felt Kanda’s tongue tease him. Soon he was enveloped by Kanda’s mouth and he tried not to squirm in pleasure too much. His heavy breathing was a turn on to Kanda and he knew it. The salvia and heat around him was intoxicating. He opened his eyes and saw Kanda’s hair, high in its pony tail, more than a few hairs out of place. Allen subconsciously reached down and pulled out the hair band. He tangled his fingers inside the soft, silky nest of hair and let his other hand travel all over his body, unsure of what to do with itself.

Kanda maneuvered his mouth all around Allen with an intensity that didn’t generally come. His hands were placed right next to the protruding organ, tickling it dryly. With Kanda’s hair taken down, he felt a little more natural with the whole scene. And hearing Allen above him and feeling him move beneath him felt animalistic. While he normally controlled the sex and manner in which it was conducted, he’d never felt Allen like this before, it was seeping into him at a drug induced rate, this was going to become addicting.

“Fa… f…” Allen couldn’t speak. He didn’t really need to; Kanda was already doing what was necessary and more. Beyond the regular experience, this was intense and it almost scared Allen. Why was it never like this before? It felt good, but horrifying at the same time. It was rougher and in a dangerous place. He felt himself coming faster than before and as it built up almost to the climax, the danger became real.

“Allen?” Lavi’s voice was so clear and near, Allen’s eyes shot open the same time he came in Kanda’s mouth. Kanda reactively spit it on Lavi because his head turned at the sound of being discovered. Kanda felt Allen close his pants next to his ear and pull his shirt over his chest. Kanda stood up slowly, calmly even. Allen instinctively grabbed Kanda’s arm to stop him from any violent actions.

“You need to get out,” Kanda said in his usual flat tone of elitism.

“I want to talk to Allen,” Lavi said trying to strong even though his face was red and he had cum on his pants.

“My moyashi is with me,” Kanda said pulling Allen to his side. Allen was surprised that Kanda was not flustered or infuriated. He was simply being his cold, impartial self. Allen was limp for a moment and then wrapped his arms around Kanda. This change was overwhelming, but with Kanda sturdy in his beliefs, Allen felt comfort in his presence.

“Can I talk to you later?” Allen asked feeling a little torn. He was apologetic in his eyes but wasn’t sure if it was coming across correctly. Lave looked desperate about the whole thing, his eyes asked, ‘Please. This is urgent. You need to get away from here.’ Kanda held tight to Allen, being left right now would be the ultimate show of where Allen’s loyalties were laying.

“Lavi, is anyone hurt or dying?” Allen asked. Lavi hesitated and took a short breath.

“No,” he sighed.

“I’ll talk to you later then,” Allen said definitively. Kanda stared at Lavi with a chilling triumph in his eyes. Lavi left disappointed but turned back to get out the last word.

“He’s just using you,” Lavi’s voice trailed and disappeared into the room. Allen looked to the floor and Kanda’s eyes narrowed.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are my favourite thing in the world~ lemme know what you think. This is a fic I wrote a long while ago, but with the resurgence of D.Gray-man I felt I should post it.


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